suicidal feet

+ source

at the beginning of october, i started my new job; working at whole foods. it's amazing, the best place i've ever worked in my life. but also, the most painful. not being used to being on my feet ALL THE TIME, has made mine hurt incredibly bad. i honestly would not be surprised if my feet looked up at me and said 'see ya!', decapitated themselves and then walked as far away from me as they could. there's blisters, puss and swollenness, oh my! and i'm so thankful to have a boss that gave me next week practically off; to rest those wounded soldiers at the bottom of my body and perhaps in that time, my new work shoes (that the company orders for you and are non-slip & apparently way more comfortable.) will have come in.

but don't let it be believed that i don't love my job and want to work there as much as possible. because it's just a brilliant place to be, with so many smiling and unique faces. one of the reasons i have always loved whole foods.

diversity is something i've always wanted more of in my life, because it's just not ever been there. so many cultures and people, in general, inspire me and give me inspiration. one of the girls in customer service, has quite a few tattoos and piercings. i LOVE that. i think that that is one of the epitomes of beauty. just the natural unique-ness someone has and it being natural, not trying to be different. (cause there are so many people who strive to be. but that's a different blog post entirely.)

there's a young man in specialty that goes by his initials, but has one of the most wonderful names, ever. it's french and even though he has no accent, it wouldn't surprise me if his parents were first generation french immigrants.

there are several other people working there that have such unique looks, personalities and culture backgrounds, it's crazy. natural red hair, super tall and quirky, scruffy beard & could be mistaken for a mumford and sons band member, two older ladies with brilliant white-gray hair & happy dispositions, one of the admins who is never in a bad mood and says the funniest things you'll ever hear & a pretty smile for days, ETC ETC. the list can go on, and i would if it was possible to describe everyone.

honestly, my feet hurt HELLA bad. (yes, i just said hella.) and i wish that the customers who are considerate, funny, sweet and interesting were more than few and far between as they have been lately. but you know what? i look at it in this way:

if at my job, if i get to speak for a good five minutes to a wonderful older irish woman, telling my how much i'll love it when i'll go and speaking about the store and travel in general. my feet can decapitate themselves, anytime.

note: in no way or sound of mind possibility would i ever cut off my feet or wish them to.

time is fleeting

oh snap.

guess what.

i'm at barnes and noble.

and i have the glee GQ issue in my hand.

somebody better call the cops.

cause it's the worst thing you could ever have in your possession.

cause it's probably like pedophilia.

COME ON PEOPLE.

the ages of these people, in these photos are 24 & 28.

they are not underage.

and they are playing roles, in the shoot.

this is not how some of them choose to look on a normal basis.

nor would i think, look like on an everyday basis.

except of course, montieth, whom is in layered cardigans and such.

this is not a confession.

just a first time announcement here; that i ADORE glee.

it is my favorite show and one of only two current tv shows i actually watch.

the characters, the music, the storylines, the actors, the creators.

all of it.

i love and support.

and quite frankly.

DO NOT THINK KIDS SHOULD BE WATCHING IT.

yes, there are exceptions.

i know and have known a lot of kids between 11 and 18 that are mature way beyond their years.

and could watch it, handle it, understand it and not be 'affected' by it.

but that's not the majority.

and while i would have been able to watch it at sixteen.

i can list off a bunch of people in my past and present who would not have.

so yes, i understand the 'controversy'.

but seriously?!

this is not a 'children's show'.

and i don't think it will ever head in that direction.

or had been.

i'm not raising these/your kids.

but i know i wouldn't let mine watch it unless i knew they were of a mature state of mind.

and it didn't just go in one ear and out the other.

or stick there for all eternity.

SO.

basically.

dianna agron, lea michele and cory montieth are all in their mid to late twenties.

they're not underage.

and they don't dress like that ALL THE DAMN TIME.

it was a photoshoot.

and, lady gaga's awesome.

but they are not lady gaga.

and everything they play out behind a camera.

is not who they are.

so GET OVER IT.

move on.

and smile.

cause it makes the world a better place.

got it?

oh, good! i'm so happy.

- this has been a rare rant from lauren nicole scott. -

EDIT: check out claire's view in the comments. that would be my only issue and feel awful that i overlooked it. ALSO, out of a huge, diverse cast..why are only these people on the cover? yeah, i know the answer, but it's a good thing to point out as well. i see nothing wrong with it really, it was (especially michele's) their choice to dress like that and every woman has a right to express their sexuality if they choose to. so, yes, it is objectification, but at the same time, everyone, esp. women, have the freedom to choose these things. michele, apparently didn't mind showing the skin. so, to me, that's not necessarily full objectification since they didn't really say no to the photos being published.

repeat the sounding joy

there are some films that touch your heart and just MOVE your soul emmensely, you have to watch it again, immediately. i don't know how to explain it, but there are just those certain films that move and restore you and you need to get the effect again, just to lock in that power and amazement. the first time i saw 'the family stone' was not in a theater or on dvd, but on tv, about two years ago. it played at about nine o'clock and then again at eleven thirty. how do i remember this? because it's a film, a story, that stuck and i remember the moment in time i witnessed it for the first time. i got lucky that night, in that a film i knew i had to see again, NOW, was replaying right afterwards the first showing. it must sound weird, what i'm telling you, but really, it does make a difference to see certain films a second time, immediately after the first view.

so run down to your nearest target and purchase this film for a mere five dollars and watch it a couple times, on a rainy afternoon. let it sink in, keep the characters and moments in the room with you for some time. this movie doesn't change your life, it gets your beloved ones in your life, in perspective as well as yourself.

are you living to the full extent of your being?

are you with the right person?

do you really love that person?

what is your relationship like with your family as a whole?

do you like it or want to change it and become more connected?

who are you?

what do you really need and want?

i love this movie, more and more with every single view of it's moving story. get a good couple viewings in for yourself to see what each of these images mean and feel like; you will be moved, touched and swept away by the simple beauty of it all.

- L

who's generation?

who are the people who know you best?

who are those whom you feel closest to?

who do you feel most yourself around?

these people we surround ourselves with and can be most natural and comfortable around, who are they and where did the relationship form from?

and what's the age difference?

while i adore letter writing and every little piece of love and joy it brings into my life, literally every day; the internet and modern forms of communication also allow my soul to connect and find brilliant people whom i would most likely, probably never meet if it wasn't for things like: TWITTER, facebook, BLOGGING, email, texting, skype, and yes, even good ol' myspace.

example number one - two weeks ago i 'met' miss paige baker; through of all things twitter, facebook and blogging. yes, all three. i added her (on twitter) through the other lauren because i was told she was one of the 'most adorable people she'd ever met', haha. and truly, she is! then came facebook which through i found her wonderful blog. little did i know, she'd been following my blog before we met and had a button of my header on her main page! (i was instantly flattered and thankful and sent her an email telling her so.) insanely wonderful how people enter our lives, no? and the ways they have already been in and around them.

but anyway - last week while skimming my twitter page something caught my eye:

vpbakerDear ms. @fancybiscuit, I'm 16 but don't tell. My youngest friend is 21 and my best friend is 29. I think I was born too late. Why?

i have felt this way, way too many times, my whole life. and since i was sixteen, for the last four years i'd felt this way even stronger. some people say they think they should have been born in a different time or era, but i believe i was born too late. you see, most of my friends/aquaintances are and have been in their twenties, thirties and forties; few my own age or younger.

how does that happen? how do a few of us get into that position of really only relating or finding common ground with those a few or several years older than us?

often i've been told it's because i'm an 'old soul' or that i have more of the same interests as people 5, 10, 15 years older than myself. don't ask me though, i'm unsure myself as to why it is that i get on better with those a deal older than my age but here's some of paige's thoughts on the matter:

"I think I get along better/have more common ground with people 5-15 years older than myself because I've found that we think the same way. For a long time I struggled to find friends because befriending people above my age seemed just nearly out of the question. I remember in grade school having a hard time when everyone else liked the spice girls and I liked bob dylan.

So is not to say it's not a tricky way to maintain friendships. There are definitely thinks that will always be different between ages, for example, one of my best friends has four kids and my best friend is pregnant with her first. I know my way around a nursery and I know how to take care of kids and do often. But the fact remains: I'm not a mom. Until (/if) I am we will never have that commonality and there is some separation there. In the grand scheme of things though--everyone will have differences in friendships; I just have a different set. I am glad to have the friends I have."

i can completely relate on the front of what people listen to. the whole matter that people of my generation tend to lean on the side of hip hop, rap and mainstream pop while i grab inspiration from a number of indie artists and those before my birth year is really odd and interesting to me. why we've put this thought in 'today's generation's' heads that THIS is what they should think and do by those who sing or speak so to them is ridiculous. not saying i prefer innocence over truth and knowledge, but what ever happened to just singing about loving someone and it not be that kind of love? or singing a song about an octopus's garden or peace in the world? peace and love to the (majority of) 12-18 age group is something said on a t-shirt or how you end a conversation, not what it truly means and what the world and individual people need.

lennon and mccartney mend my broken heart when i'm at my loneliest and broken. joan jett, not miley cyrus, taught me that you don't have to be tamed and that women shouldn't stand aside, led to believe it's 'a man's world'. al green will be played at my wedding day because he's one of few that i feel really capture passion. i really, honestly love michael jackson because he was such an unbelievable and amazing artist; i listen to his music when my mind needs to be flooded with memories - not because his work is good to dance to.

like paige said, i'm grateful and glad to have the friends and relationships i do; and always happy when a new brilliant one enters my life unexpectedly, stronger than i thought it would become. it is kind of odd in the fact that some of my closest relationships are with people older and older than myself.

micaela, is only six years older than myself and has become one of the closest friends i've ever had and have currently. i would trust her with anything and she is one of only two people whom i can carry a phone conversation on with beyond twenty minutes. our lives could not be any more different, yet we click and get on extremely well. oh, and we've only known each other for six months. but! more on caela later in the week, because she deserves a post all her own.

carol is a friend i made through a youth group; she was the youth director and is in her early forties. there have been few and far between people to see me when i loose it and carol is one of even fewer to call me on it when i'm wrong. i think when you have a person like that in your life, it's good to keep them constant.

without even noticing it, carol and i have become really good friends and she's the only person i see movies with; subconsciously and because there's never anyone reliable enough to make plans with (locally) and keep me on track of time and when i need to leave my house, haha. (i have a real terrible habit of being late without even knowing so.) the beautiful thing about our relationship is that i tend to never notice the age difference or the fact that carol is only so many years younger than my own parents, never. that is a great thing for me because with quite a few relationships i was constantly reminded of age differences and would over-think way too many things. going both ways, she never treats me as a child or like some friends i used to have who were older would, and therefore thought they were better because of the knowledge and years they had over me. she's a true friend and most likely because of being an 'adult' always calls me back, makes plans, actually cares about me like i do her and i don't ever see our friendship out of my life.

lovelies, i have re-written this piece WAY too many times and could go on further if i needed to, but i feel you get the jist of what i am saying, no? and i want to throw it out there for you to answer some of the hidden questions up there. what ages do your friends vary? are you close in age to your closest ones? what draws you to a person and creates the relationship? this is a subject i'm really interested in (obviously) and value your answers and opnions on not only those questions but any other topics regarding friends, ages and common ground between those your soul grows closest to.

lovelovelove,
- L

am i the only one?

last night i wrote out this long, tear inducing paragraph of words and thoughts of my life lately. but decided not to post it in light of a new day and hopefully new beginnings. while i am still very emotionally sick and feel somewhat alone as far as people around me go (minus family of course; but when you're around a group of people, the same people for almost every day, every week, you need new surroundings), i am trying my best to fix it all now and hope that you all can bear with me while i scarcely post and talk about anything interesting anymore.

so...instead of a long, drawn-out article of sadness, here's a song that i have loved ever since i was seven and now love even more since in the last 5 years have been able to relate to it:

"There is no good reason
I should have to be so alone
I'm smothered by this emptiness
Lord I wish I was made of stone
Like a fool I lent my soul to love
And it paid me back in change
God help me am I the only one
Who's ever felt this way?

A heart that's worn and weathered
Would know better than to fight
But I wore mine like a weapon
Played out love like a crime
And it wrung me out and strung me out
And it hung years on my face
God help me, am I the only
Who's ever felt this way?

Now my sense of humor needs a break
I see a shadow in the mirror
And she's laughin' through her tears
One more smile's all I can fake

There is a wound inside me
And it's bleeding like a flood
There are times when I see a light ahead
Hope is not enough
As another night surrounds me
And it pounds me like a wave
God help me, am I the only one
Who's ever felt this way?"


hopefully this will be the last post like this for a good while. so sorry for not keeping this a happy, lovely blog and not posting often. i'm going to try and work on that this next week.

much, much love to you all,
- L

who i am in this moment

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this moment in time i am...

smiling

tired

sincere

hurting

worried

interested

sick

loving.


a week can go by without even making a sound and here i am with teeth hurting ridiculously bad, interested in where this insane life is taking me, sick from aunt flow's visit, loving the new amazing people i met over the weekend, worried about a fellow blogger and dear friend, tired of working on stuff for my shop even though i'm extremely excited about it's opening and smiling at the thought of what i could make this summer become.

tell me, who are you in this moment?

my very first polaroids, taken over the weekend -








- L

tears + fears

A RANT

disclaimer: i just need to get this out of my system, and tomorrow this blog will go back to being positive.

someone PLEASE tell me what i've done. i really would like to know how and why i'm such an awful person, friend, companion, any sort of company! i call, email, write on 'walls', send postcards. but nothing. and if oh my goodness, there is a bite, it's just to give me an excuse as to why we can't hang out or see one another. what in the hell have i done to deserve this?? am i just blind to my mass imperfections and hardship to you..? the big question is, why don't YOU ever try to contact ME? why am i always the one to call, email, write? if you don't want to be seen with me, let me know. if you cannot stand my conversation or sound of my voice, at least tell me somehow! i am so. sick. of trying to make plans, to figure out where to meet someone or be gracious enough to work around your schedule. yeah, i lead a different life and don't have a laid out plan for every day, week, month or year. whenever i PLAN on something, it gets screwed up and i'm so tired of things getting screwed up. then there are those of you who tell me to be more f-cking spontaneous. SERIOUSLY?? what in the world! yeah it was different when i didn't drive or i was younger and more insecure about upsetting my parents and so on an so forth, but really, do not tell me that now. i'm not good at being spontaneous, but at least i am; more than i can say for others i know. this is so ridiculous, why do i have to be that girl in the brothers bloom?? stuck inside, by myself, no one else at all, all day every day my whole life? i just want REAL people, REALLY there with me. experiences i hear and read about. i want those behind the scenes moments from the special features, not the movie ones. where everyones hanging out and laughing or reading the script at the table read for the first time. i want a gag reel to be my life, not bella swan if there never was edward cullen or jacob black. can someone, anyone, tell me that that is not insane?