Monday, November 10, 2014

November 5th 2014

Missing something you didn't know you had. Missing everything about it and yet not knowing everything about…him. My heart is heavy and my cheeks stained as I write down these words. The feelings, emotions and thoughts we’ve had over the course of the last week are difficult and surreal to describe. On November 4th, I found out I was pregnant, and losing the baby. Neither of us had any idea that I was pregnant and now we didn't even have a chance to celebrate the joy of finding out. The next three days were spent in a hospital room; only minutes after finding out, we were in a room separated from the outside world, living in every moment as it happened. It was the most scary, intense, heart wrenching and life changing event we have been through. After hours of seemingly never ending pain physically and emotionally, at 11:39 am on the 5th of November, Carlisle Scott-Sextro was born. But he was already gone before I delivered. At 20 weeks old he came in and out of our lives faster than anything. We’ve not stopped crying for him or thinking about him, our son, our first child. I don’t know when life will begin to feel normal again, but I know it’s forever different. Forever changed by this tiny little boy whom we will never stop loving.