Monday, September 27, 2010

why i'm back in america


excerpt of what my mom wrote while i was in detainment:

"Basically she got intimidated by the iimmigration officer after being put in a different line because s...he was staying (barely) over 90 days. And she told them she was going to be an Au Pair for minimal amount. JOB ~ no visa = red flag = let's meet our quota! (We had been told 6 months was max for a student on a holiday.) They detained her in a place called Tinsley house,google it & you will see not exactly inviting!
There were MANY mistakes made on behalf of their protocol which we will have to address. But for now we just want her back on USA soil."

i'm willing to share, because obviously, not all that happened was spoken about when i recorded that. i'm an open book, so just shoot me an email if you'd like (l.nicolephotos(at)gmail(dot)com).

posting will resume, but i will tell you that i'm seriously considering writing more, personal issues and opinions, than before. and it may not all be positive either. a good friend told me the other night that i very well may be depressed or have some form of it; and i honestly believe it to be true. but i'm not that kind of person and will strive not to be, just so down all the time. i've had friends who've never come out of depression or seen how long it takes and i just don't know how long i can stand to not be happy, it's not a life choice i'll be right/good with.

but life isn't good or fair all the time, i know that, of course. and some of you might not get it or think i'm being completely ridiculous or...something. but i have friends, amazing ones, who've tried to and have somewhat convinced me that i'm not being selfish or acting out of turn with my feelings and thoughts right now. so, while i adore my lovely readers, YOU; this is my space and where my heart and soul will pour into and this whole ordeal is going to change my way of blogging from now on. i've decided that, just now, yes.

so, i hope that, while my life as of late has been scary, unsure, depressing and has rattled my emotional well-being, i do so, so hope that YOU ALL have been having a wonderful life and it's been fulfilling your being and soul to it's very limit,

love and tears,

- L


  1. that's an absolutely horrible experience- and although I have not gone through anything like that I did have a pretty bad experience with the customs officiers in London as well- the lady yelled at me and basically threatened to send me back because my passport was a bit bent and kept going on about how stores wouldn't accept money if it was like that. I knew about my passport but had traveled with it like that before including across borders so I had no idea it would be a problem (my mom accidentally washed all our passports in a ziplock, but the damage was far less than if it had gotten rained on etc). and it was just really unsettling; I can't imagine what it would have been like to be detained and go through all of that. Yeah, you could have filled out the paperwork better but at the same time, if they were not liking it they really should have just sent you home (I think) since you were clearly honest and not trying to do anything illegal.

    anyway, long comment but i mostly wanted to say that I hope your life gets better now that you're back in the States and you are able to find a job and happiness and get out of your slump. it sounds like you have a good support system at least, which is key :)

    take care.

  2. i'm really sorry that you had to go through that darling, sounds like such a rough ordeal and you are so strong for getting through it all. i really believe that everything good and bad happens for a reason and to teach us something valuable. i know it's hard to look at it that way right now, but once you have had some time to regroup your feelings and thoughts, i'm sure you will start to see that it was just a teeny piece of your life's puzzle and is not the whole story.

    as they say, when one door closes, another opens. i'm sure this is the case for you, and something amazing will come up for you that you might have missed had the england plan worked out. we can only hope that the world really does work that way. my fingers are crossed for you.

    big hugs and good luck figuring out your new path.. i'm right there with you in that journey, as are bazillions of others out there trying to figure out what we are doing, so don't ever feel that you are alone. big hugs xx

  3. Oh Lauren, I can only imagine how heartbroken you are! Keep your chin up gorgeous lady, more amazing opportunities are waiting for you.

  4. I'm so proud of the way you're dealing with all of this L. Even though it was so sad to hear you speaking with such heartbreak about your disappointment and how you were treated, it was still great to hear you speak. I still have a crappy mobile connection (I probably just used half of it watching your video but it was worth it, ha), but I keep checking and by the end of the week internet should abound and I'll sit down and have a chat with you if you're as keen as I am! Take care x

  5. I love your blog is great!!!! I hope you will check mine:)

  6. oh lauren, i'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. i hope you're smiling soon... xo

  7. I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you and I still feel so sorry for everything you have been through. I get angry thinking about the way you were treated and it breaks my heart to hear your saddness. You are a strong, amazing girl and everything will work out dearest. Of that I am sure! I'm here for you if you ever need anything! XOXOXO

  8. Oh no! That is a horrible experience and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I truly hope that you will be able to get another job and a better opportunity will come into your life. xx

  9. My dear beautiful girl, I am so sorry this happened to you! Much love and prayers coming your way <3

  10. Oh Lauren... How terrible, and scary too. And how very disappointing for you after all that planning and excitement... I hope you are feeling better soon. It'll take time, but you'll be okay.


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