Letters, She Wrote

Pretty Embroidery 1.0

2012-02-15T09:41:00.000-08:00

This is a little embroidery piece I made for a co-worker's birthday a couple months ago. Over the past several months, I have gotten more and more into embroidery. And I bought some lovely little vintage buttons at an antique show last month to use with my embroidery; one of which you see on this piece.

For a while now, I've been thinking of maybe opening up a little shop with some of my creations in them. Would you be interested in seeing more? Or even adding one to your home?

I've had so much fun with embroidery and I think it's a great way to spend your time.

Handsome, Suave. Beautiful, Cute.

2012-02-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

Those were just a few compliments my beau and I received upon showing up to a work meeting last night with our new hair. New hair you say? Why yes, just take a look at the difference!

Before, with the typical 'I hate having my picture taken' face.

C, getting his hair chopped off!

One last look at my long, long hair I've been growing for two years.

And, finally, AFTER!!

You can't really tell, because I couldn't seem to get a good shot of the back of my hair, but it's almost as short as C's! I modeled my hairstyle after Rooney Mara in 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo'; which you also cannot tell by my camera-phone photos, but someday soon when I get my camera back, I'll take better photos with it and hopefully you can see.

When the hair-stylist looked at our hair, she said C had about 8-10 inches and I had about 16-18 inches. We're going to try and senc C's hair to Locks of Love, but they wouldn't take mine because it was dyed. (Even though that was almost three years ago, haha.) It stinks I couldn't donate mine, but we're hoping to be able to donate C's!

So...what do you think? Let me know! I'm still in a bit of shock about my hair, but I do like it! haha When I told C about a month ago that I wanted to cut off all my hair, he said that he wanted to do it with me, that it would be something fun and good to do together. Later on he also said that he could tell I was nervous and thought that maybe if I saw him cutting his hair, it would make it a bit easier for me. This is quite a big deal for him because he hasn't cut his hair in almost ten years! His last haircut was right before his senior year in high school; crazy, right? It's been longer than ten inches, I've seen photos of his hair all the way down to the bottom of his back! When we saw all our co-workers, everyone made the comment that his new hair gave his face more definition and made him look his age. Wouldn't you agree?

Art Exhibit

2012-02-06T16:27:00.000-08:00

Last November, I went to the Small Stuff art exhibit opening, at one of my favorite places, Tates; in their exhibition space called The Bear and the Bird. It was a one of the things I did for my 21st birthday and it was really fun. Although, my beau would say I took way too long to decide on what I wanted to get, but what can I say, all of the art was wonderful!

Been to any art exhibit openings lately? What was the theme? Purchase anything interesting? Fill me in!

Your Wish Cake

2012-01-30T13:40:00.000-08:00

A while back, I ordered a few things from my friend Kerri's shop, yourwishcake. She's designs such pretty, lovely things and always has some of the best packaging. You should really check out her shop or stop by her blog and say hello!

Ever since I got that pretty little necklace months ago, I've wore it at least two times a week and received countless compliments on it. I proudly tell the ladies that ask about it that my dear friend made it and where to get one themselves. Kerri is so talented and so sweet, I'm always happy to support her.

My Favorite Farmer's Market

2012-01-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

Every available Saturday I have, I head down to the farmer's market on Vanderbilt Beach and Airport. It's the closest to my house and the people are beyond nice. Most of the vendors know me by name or face and even when I have very little cash on me, I still go by just to say hi and pick up a few essentials. A couple weeks ago my friend Savannah tagged along on my weekly adventure; then her Dad and dog decided to tag along with her.

I also brought along my camera...

Waiting in my favorite boots for Savannah at Starbucks.

Some cute cougar cubs out and about. They can't have human contact beyond four months old.

Savannah, and her Dad.

Avacado tree growing massive avacados.

'Chocolate fruit'.

One of the cutest old men ever. He grows specialty fruit and has so much knowledge about the native produce of Florida.

The above photos are from the Worden Organic Farms stand. I buy most of my produce there. They have the best sunflower sprouts; I don't know what they put in their soil, but those sprouts are KILLER. I also love that they have people my age working at the farm and the stand. Proof that young people are actually into organic living; with fresh organic produce that came straight from the farm and not a box from some other part of the country.

Savannah's dog is one of the sweetest and most dosile I've ever been around.

The pottery stand. Every week there's new pieces and I always find myself wanting to buy each one.

The macaron lady! She's one of my favorites at the market. She only sells her homemade french macarons at this market and they are seriously THE BEST I've ever had. And you can ask anyone, I've had my fair share of french macarons, they're one of my favorite desserts. The lady who makes them is always kind and willing to answer anything. Each week the variety box has different flavors just depending on what she has on hand, which I love. Last week there were some wonderful orange macarons. Yum!

Top Dog Kitchen is another one of my favorites. This woman and her husband make all the products from scratch, organically, out of their home kitchen. My dogs love their treats and they have really unique things like deer antlers used as chew bones, ice cream, and muffins for dogs.

Some more vendors.

And some cute dogs being walked around.

Hope you enjoyed my little tour of my favorite farmer's market! Do you have a favorite that you visit every week or one that has something extra special like the french macaron lady? I'd love to hear about it!

Happy Things To End The Week With

2012-01-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

- Seeing 'Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close' tonight. There are no words. It is one of the most, if not the most moving story I've ever seen and heard.

- Trying to come up with different Valentines Day ideas. It's the first year I've had a valentine, so I want it to be extra special, you know? I'm thinking of pitching a fort in the living room with twinkle lights and watching a good old movie. What do you think?

- Little moments had with the man in my life.

- Starting to read my favorite blogs again, as often as possible. They bring me such great inspiration and happiness.

- Finding a ton of books I want to read at a flea market and anticipating starting to read them all.

- Re-watching some of my favorite films. There's fewer things more grand and happy-inducing than a fun musical. Or a well written script that actors play out beautifully. And the occasional romantic-comedy that reels me in, despite it being utterly predictable.

- Falling asleep in his arms every night of the week. He makes me feel beautiful without having to think about it. And I think he's the most beautiful man I've ever met.

Those are just some happy things I've been thinking about as my week comes to a close. Play along over at Micaela's corner of the internet, won't you?

lovely package exchange

2012-01-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

Back in December, I participated in The Lovely Package Exchange over at Oh, Hello Friend. I'd always wanted to take part in such a fun swap and made the cut for this past time a'round! Here's what I sent...

1. Some pretty earrings from Target. 2. The loveliest smelling pine tree soap from Anthropologie. 3. A sparkly gold mini notebook from Anthropologie. 4. An adorable cooking book, also from Anthropologie.

Packaging is one of my favorite things; not only to do but just looking at others' creative wrapping inspires me. I'm still behind in sending my Christmas gifts and every time I sit back down to try and tackle wrapping the rest of my gifts, it's always such a joy. To me there's few greater feelings than receiving and holding a beautifully wrapped gift in your hands, don't you agree?

"Brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things." - The Sound Of Music

a thrifting adventure

2011-08-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

Last week, S and I (along with his partner) went thrifting. All day long. Yes, it was a lovely adventure.

The point of the trip was to build S a new wardrobe as he would wear the same generic plain t-shirt and shorts combination every single day. I think the total at the end of the day was around $50 for his loot of about 15 shirts, 5-10 pairs of jeans and pants PLUS the infamous $6.50 suit. It was so much fun shopping with him because A. - I love and know a lot about men's fashion and he doesn't, so I got to teach him a few things. And B. - Even though we were already close, I think it was a really good day of bonding.

I basically was on the hunt for more records and would up bringing home 20+, including a very special one for Miss Micaela. I also found a pretty vintage dress that I love and got for only $2 on sale; but it's going to take a bit more of my juice diet to fit into comfortable-ly. It looks like it's from the 60's and was marked with the 50% off tag that week, so I just couldn't NOT get it, right?

My next post I'll post photos of something else adventurous that happened the following day, which I'm still getting used to, but! For now, here's some little memories from the day.

Because I have an odd taste in art, I LOVED this print. But no, didn't buy it because I already have too much art that ISN'T hanging up in my apartment.

It was a 'My Fair Lady' kind of day. I found 3 different MFL play and movie records.

We couldn't get over how awesome and hilarious this shirt was.

My heart skipped a beat when I found this treasure.

S is six feet tall and I made the comment that since I'd never seen him in jeans, when he tried on all these different pairs, it somehow made him look even taller.

An owl find that I'm going to send to Lady Danielle.

'Only an overweight drag queen on vacation would wear this.'

Creepy, ugly jackets we lost lungs laughing at.

These shoes photograph better than they look in real life.

I almost, almost bought this.

Every Goodwill we went to had this many records or even more. I was in thrifting heaven.

Mr Cole went on my record player and hasn't left since last Wednesday.

Before our last couple stops, we headed to Five Guys to get some dinner.

I took this picture right before i stood up and spilled my entire drink all over the my chair and the floor. Good thing we were the only ones there on that rainy day.

Isn't it so atheral and lovely? You could not have said no as well, right?

And here is the oh so infamous $6.50 suit. Can you tell he was thrilled with this find?

flowers + secrets

2011-08-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

A while back, I purchased my first Fieldguided creation. I love this pretty little tote; especially the fact that it is ACTUALLY screenprinted by hand. I love this quote, it's so simplistic and complicated at the same time. The next tote from Anabela & Geoff I would ~~like~~ love to add to my closet is either the '43rd Parallel' tote or the classic 'Thunder In Our Hearts'. Go check out their shop, it's quite the lovely place! You'll surely find just as many pieces to love as I did.

Did you know?

2011-08-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

(photo by yours truly; film, SOOC.)

A story of three souls...

Did you know that life can change.

Did you know that your heart can become anew.

Did you think that people were true.

I saw love come and go.

I wished it to be mine.

Did you know of a folley that revealed opposite.

Did you see his eyes turn to passion.

I did.

I saw them come alive from ages and times hidden away.

Did you know of a heart turned from love.

Did you know it could open it's eyes and accept kindness.

I thought such notions died.

I never hoped to be the exception and not the rule.

Did you see a souless man care for someone he's yet to know.

Did you see him say he cares.

Did you know that fate had stepped in when it was never expected.

I thought we were dreaming.

I heard fate telling me this was a soul of value.

Did you know this heart had never loved long before.

Did you know life decided it was time.

Did you see him coming.

I didn't.

I didn't see either of them.

Did you hear life telling me it was time.

Did you hear her whispering to them.

I knew loneliness was in a vanished scuffle.

I knew my heart was finding shelter.

I knew.

where the good-hearted people go

2011-07-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

This is where I work. I love the people here more than life itself. Sometimes when you least expect it, you inherit a second family, one you've always hoped for.

sidenote: not everyone was there the day i shot these, but maybe someday i'll do another little shoot.

madebyhank 1.0

2011-06-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

As you well know by now, I love madebyhank handbags. A little while ago, I made a little purchase at Miss Katie's lovely shop; and her packaging is always so pretty, I decided to take some photos to show you guys!

unattempted rescue

2011-06-15T08:29:00.000-07:00

(photo by yours truly.)

This summer looked out to be quite the lonely one. I didn't know if I had a job, could pretty much tell I wouldn't be able to travel as much as I had planned, etc. Life looked kind of boring and grim and all I wanted to do was pull the sheets over my head and wish for Fall to come back to me.

As if you couldn't tell by the beginning of this post, things have turned around. Summertime has been and is looking to be oh-so-wonderful and I am so excited to get back to blogging, fully. Now that all of the headache is gone, I have been itching to post fun photos and tell silly, lovely stories.

See also; I have always believed in this notion, but it always comes back to bite you when you least expect it. That, when you're not even looking or wanting someone, they enter your life. I should have known better considering Caela met her soulmate, Marisa well into her twenties. The universe is so random and surprising in how it has people come into your life and for reasons maybe clear or maybe not.

But more on that later. I want to tell you all about a first for me that happened last Friday..

DIM SUM! It was amazing; I'd never had it before and now I may be a tad obsessed. I spoke on the phone with Caela right before about how the first time we'd tried to go, they were close - on a Wednesday! Every day of the week they're open, but Wednesdays. C said that she'd experienced something similar with a Thai place she and Danielle had attempted to go to one time. I mean, seriously, why would you be closed on a Tuesday or Wednesday, that's so bizarre, haha.

S, - who grew up in California around a lot more ethnic food than myself - loves Dim Sum, (if you can't tell) and I let him order off the sheet. We had a couple different kinds of savory dumplings and then these delicious (and adorable as you saw in the photo above) steamed lotus cakes.

When I went, I'd just got off work and was starving. The picture above is of the wreckage that was left after the Asian treats had been consumed. I didn't think it was that bad until I saw the photo a couple days later, haha.

What is your favorite Asian specialty? Have you ever had Dim Sum? Any weird stories of restaurants being closed on random days of the week? Tell me!

Black Jesus, Amen Fashion

2011-05-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

source

"There's no way I could be stopped

Was taking my best shot

I had a better plan

There's no way I could be stopped

Was coming for your spot

I met a better man

Amen

On the runway

Dressed in his best

Amen fashion

On the runway

Work it Black Jesus

Put it on amen fasion

Celebrate a new compassion

Put it on amen fashion

Celebrate oh oh style your passion

Put it on amen fashion

Celebrate oh oh a new compassion

Put it on amen fashion

Celebrate oh oh wear out your vision

Black Jesus Black Jesus Black Jesus

Jesus is the new black"

Currently

- Wearing silver nail varnish.

- Watching 'Elizabethtown'.

- Learning and loving the 'Born This Way' album.

- Reading some Charles Bukowski poetry.

- Addicted to walks on the beach.

- Looking for compassion in ~~so called Christians~~ others.

- Enjoying Micaela, April, Bianca and Danielle's blogs.

- Tired of the hatred I see in society's eyes.

- Pondering getting my nose pierced.

- Obsessed with the latest Made By Hank designs.

- Writing constantly; fiction and truth.

- Loving my friends, they're so amazing and inspiring.

- Desiring these quotes embedded in ink on my arms:

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." - Proverbs 10:12

‎"Beware, so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance." - Jean de La Fontaine

return

2011-04-22T16:08:00.000-07:00

photo by yours truly

A Return...

Here's what has been happening in my world the past month and what I'm looking forward to most.

- missing friends. as school and jobs come to a close, more people become more busy. i literally feel as if i haven't spoken to my small group of close friends, had real conversations with, for at least a month. here's hoping this takes a turn for the better in may.

- having a love affair with martha stewart. see also: becoming more obsessed with baking from scratch.

- falling in love over and over again with one of only two current tv shows i watch, glee. BEST. SEASON EVER. i want to go to that coffee house with blaine and kurt or be in one of holly holiday's classes.

- planning my summer. to stay or fly away. it's a headache and all i wish to do is forget money and jobs and go spend the summer away.

- danielle's blog has been lovely lately. enough said.

- extremely excited for 'water for elephants' tonight. still haven't read the book, but i know the film will be beautiful. the tv spots featuring florence and the machine have been giving me goosebumps all week.

- some photos i got back from the carnival that was a few weeks ago. tried some double exposure, as you can see in my new header. LOVE. definitely going to try some DE again, they turned out so beautiful. and i rarely say that about my own photos; but i feel so proud!

- made by hank bags. always loved them, always thought she was one of the most talented people on etsy. now i am obsessed with the beauty and one-of-a-kind-ness of every single bag.

- planning my blog comeback, for real. i have four planned so far. one on recent etsy packages, one on my recent rolls of film, one on a day on the east coast and one on my love affair with macarons. Also organized everything a bit more, as you can now see some lovely things in the tabs/columns to the right.

- loving diana's blog. everything is so short, simple and sweet, which equals uber inspiring of course.

- watching mumford and sons and arcade fire LIVE from coachella last weekend. if it was that brilliant via computer, i can only imagine how wonderful it must have been in real life.

- THE ROYAL WEDDING. never anticipated that i'd be as into it that i am, but here we are. i am literally watching every possible special i can get my eyes fixed on. something i love is that they've been together for forever and aren't really young and naive like diana and charles, a true modern couple. while there will never be anyone like diana, she is such an icon; if i'm so bold to say, i do love kate middleton and her & prince williams' courtship quite more than diana and charles'.

- these upcoming films. i saw the trailer for 'crazy stupid love' before 'arthur' a few weeks ago and have been SO anxious ever since. emma stone is one of my ultimate favorites and it's so great to see her break out of the usual high school comedies. and until this trailer, i've never thought much of ryan gosling. but maybe now he'll redeem himself in this movie. (i know, i'm one of few who doesn't like him. oh well. deal.)

i was called elizabeth

2011-03-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

walking into my parents bedroom, 12 years old.

the room shines with fresh sunlight.

so many plants and flowers around the room.

i stop to smell the hyacinths.

there's a card open on my mothers night-stand.

it's from an old friend.

i don't read the whole thing.

just bits and pieces.

then i notice something, my name.

the words still ring in my head.

'and lauren is growing up so fast! in the photo you sent me she looks so beautiful, already so young. and those eyebrows! like a classic elizabeth taylor.'

i was called elizabeth.

and the notion has stuck in my head, timeless, forever.

Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor

February 27th, 1932 - March 23rd, 2011

shoot - part one

2011-03-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

a couple weeks ago, i had a shoot with kat and katie; and i really loved how the photos turned out. especially since, like my last shoot with kat, we were fighting the sunset.

anyway, i wanted to share the photos with you and because i shot three rolls of film, i've split the photos up into two posts. i'll be sharing the second set (which include most of my favorites.) next week.

i've been missing photography and i'm excited to start doing more shoots when possible.

let me know what you think of the shoot, i'd love your feedback!

hello!

2011-03-11T22:26:00.001-08:00

hello there!

you can now follow my blog on bloglovin'!

click the link below to start following:
Follow my blog with bloglovin

half of my heart

2011-03-09T12:24:00.000-08:00

today, while cleaning i found this set of folded up papers and i thought i'd share it with you. believe it was written sometime last summer or fall. some parts are silly, but i kind of like that i wrote it 100% in honesty.

half of my heart...

stays up until 4am withought thinking. getting lost in memories and writing.

reads twilight and could care less about charles dickens.

hates health food and wishes for a pill that lost the weight for you.

wants to sell every possession and obession and just go. get out of america and live life.

desperately wants to play natalie maines in a biopic.

tell a boy i've loved for almost two years how i feel.

wants twilight to be real and become alice cullen. bella's not who i am and edward needs to get a grip.

hates hard work.

needs a velcro-hug that lasts a lifetime.

hates digital cameras.

despises that everyone and their grandmother can be 'a photographer' these days.

doesn't get abstract art. at all.

wants to have a threesome with robert pattinson and kristen stewart.

----

oh my goodness, what a difference a new year can make. anyway, thought it was kind of silly and wanted to share, with no shame whatsoever, haha.

here's what i'm listening to today, it's giving me such hope and inspiration:

^the image i got for my copy. you can see more here.

win butler's voice is so beautiful and fluid, it's like something from a different time.

also, here are some artlicles that have been inspiring me lately:

on impossible project film from fieldguided, i now want to re-try using my polaroid 220.

happy things to end the week with from my caela. happiness = love.

this post on thinking before you ink from danielle. hit home and touched my heart, so much.

hope you're having a lovely wednesday!

life - part one

2011-03-07T20:07:00.000-08:00

maybe i'm alone in this, i hope not, but it's a good possibility. letting go, i'm learning more about, it's a process. but this, is somewhat different.

is it too much to ask, to be shown favor? at least every once and a while? just because, not only for you've gone out of your way for the attention?

what is it that makes others so much more special? i don't get it. i don't know what you see in her. in him. in them. why are they so much more important that i'm the last to know or last to be mentioned in anything and everything?

question mark. question mark. question mark.

call me crazy, but it does feel good to be noticed and favored over others, right? not that i would know, un-sarcastically, i would not and do not know.

----------------

another note: what is it that makes someone so interesting that they have SO many people interested in them?

i love every one of my followers, that over a hundred people, most of whom i don't even know care to read what i write is amazing.

but sometimes i look or read a blog and wonder how they have so many people interested in 'following' it.

HEAR ME OUT. and don't think of me in a bad light, because i certainly can't be the only one, or am i?

tell me, what is it you like in a blog and makes it worth hitting that follow button. because this topic has been on my mind the past couple days.

enlighten me. be as nice or mean as you'd like.

----------------

thank you for letting me vent, sort of. it's much appreciated.

best night ever

2011-02-28T14:41:00.000-08:00

was going to blog about my favorite moments from my annual date with oscar last night; but all in all, the whole show was somewhat of a blur. it was GOOD, do not get me wrong, i'm one of the few that actually enjoyed it and liked the hosts. but, there wasn't any certain memorable moment like years' past. i loved, loveloved kirk douglas' little moment and seeing florence welch on stage, but not much else. the winning acting speeches (minus melissa leo, whom i love) seemed to all be able thanking people professionally and weren't as emotionally driven and interesting/memorable as years past. granted, my opinion on award show acceptance speeches has always been that they should thank more people that helped them with THE ROLE or the film they were in, not personal people; but i do like it where the speeches are really beautiful and make you well up and cry like a baby. (ahem, sandra bullock last year. forget the aftermath and it was still so emotionally amazing.)

so, instead of those super long posts like i did last year, here's just a couple highlights and my most favorite gowns/best dressed ladies of the night

- warning, still photo heavy! -

this was so adorable; i love kirk douglas and his WHOLE bit had me laughing in hysterics. until reading reviews of the show, this was the only moment i really remembered, mostly because of the sheer cute-ness and hilarity of it all. "anne hathaway, where were you when i was making pictures?!"

luke matheny, the winner for best live action short film was really cute. meaning: he did need a haircut; and the very few shots of the film they showed had me itching to find out when and/or where i could find it to view it. SO cute.

SO GOOD. enough said. love him. love her.

michelle williams was so classy and simplistic. her films aren't always my favorites, but i have always loved her fashion sense.

armie hammer and elizabeth chambers; didn't love what they were wearing so much as to just loved them. one of the cutest couples out there and i think they are probably the 'ken and barbie' in hollywood right now; so good looking, my word.

another adorable couple. i love that he learned italian for her and that he always says the most sweet and caring things about her in his acceptance speeches. timeless looking in the tuxedo as well, such a timeless actor.

honestly, out of anne hathaway's SEVEN dress changes, i only really liked this red one. the white gown she wore in the beginning of the show i liked, but wasn't head over heels for. the menswear outfit she wore for her musical number was really cute though, i have to admit.

natalie portman is so brilliant, i love her style and i love that she's SO tiny that at only 5 months(?) she's showing so much. probably the best dressed she's been all awards season.

maybe my best dressed, really! hailee steinfeld is the cutest thing ever and i love that she designed her own dress. if only we were all this classic looking at fourteen, haha.

helena bonham carter can do no wrong. end of story.

if only she'd looked like this the entire awards season! so natural, simple and pretty; i mean, SO pretty on her. she looked like a genuine movie star in this gown.

can you believe she had a baby just over a month ago?! INSANE. she is one of the most beautiful actresses of all time, no doubt about it. and javier bardem, man oh man, my mom had me cracking up at her comments like 'if your dad ever passes away before me, man, javier is it for me. i mean..DAMN!'

a lot of people didn't like this; but it's kind of similar to the HBC thing, i LOVE florence welch and in my book can do no wrong. she's one of my most favorite artists and i adore her fashion sense, and her performance that night = AMAZING. love. her.

most likely my favorite. again, i have the opposite taste of the critics, but i REALLY REALLY loved this, so amazing and she wears it like it was made just for her. cate blanchett is stunning in lilac, and i loved the yellow back so much. PERFECTION.

amy adams should wear navy more often. ahem, sparkly navy. oh my, this is so stunning and i loved the emerald accents that she picked out to go with it. could have lived without the necklace, but all in all, so gorgeous.

(all images from NY Daily News, Huffington Post and People.)

we used to wait

2011-02-25T09:08:00.000-08:00

found: clairty, love, beauty, laughter, love, compassion, generosity.

life is like a relationship, like a marriage. it takes work every now and again. you may not realize it until your heart lies there broken, the pieces flying away in the wind; but once you know that your life needs some good counseling or time to re-evaluate, it can start to show how beautiful it is yet to become.

so we're clear, my last post was not about me still feeling down or angry with anyone or being. it was about clarity and seeking more love than ever before in life.

just in the past week i've found that i'm feeling more alive and less concerned on things that i shouldn't be. not so angry and cynical. of course, my brand new eyes are still adjusting, finding focus; but i feel as though the true clarity in them will come earlier than i'd planned.

(photos from a recent shoot of mine; love the simplicity of the shots.)

scorned (my love affairs)

2011-02-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

when you realize what's coming out of your mouth and the opinions in your head start to seem disenchanting, you break down.

the number of times of brokenness and 'breaking down', i've lost count. there's too many reasons, right or ridiculous.

friends.

love.

God.

they all play big parts in the plays of our lives. they can ruin our emotional system and way of living. they can heal your heart and mend your mind. they can be the worst demon to enter your atmosphere or the kindest soul to stand strong beside you. this, i say in yes, all three.

the wreckage that comes from these three parts in your play may be heartbreakingly hurtful or disgustingly beautiful. depending on how far into the lost-ness of the world you find yourself or where you've been before and formed your ideas and hopes.

my heart is like a fall leaf that's sat on the earth for a week. so fragile that if you mess with it too much, it will combust and the pieces fly away into the wind and grass.

putting up defenses is something i've never been a good craftsman in. letting people in and hoping they'll love me, not once again just leave and never look back is a trade i'm in good practice in. you want to show me affection? tell me i'm important in your life? tell me that i'm beautiful? tell me i matter?

do so.

because i will fall for those words. and when the true darkness out of all the seemingly beautiful light comes through. my heart shatters. it combusts. i feel empty. like my life is nothing of worth. if i were to disappear tomorrow, no one would care.

this is not a way of being dramatic. this is what my mind tortures me through; sometimes for years at a time.

people let you down. so much. so much sometimes your life just feels like an empty book, blank pages just waiting to be filled again. because, when someone is so amazing and such a wonderful person to fill you with love and joy; when they leave, it's twenty times more devastating because of all the care they've shown and that something that shows humanity is still out there.

love hurts. it's never run my life though, luckily. it doesn't affect my decisions and how i act around men.

currently, passionate love doesn't have much place in my life. but that doesn't mean there isn't longing. i see the beauty in men, i've come to realize. sometimes more than women when i really examine things.

good men, that is.

there are so few of them anymore, really. so few and so few that realize the beauty that surrounds their presence in life.

we're very pre cautious these days, most of us. sometimes more so when it comes to finding or building relationships with the opposite sex. a guard to protect our hearts no matter how many or few times it's been broken is up and we make sure that whomever enters will be caring and considerate when the guard is taken down.

my want out of men has never been, really, has never been anything more than a friend. a good, best friend from someone whom is protective like an older brother and wants to introduce me to his significant other along with his mom. and that the story doesn't take a cliche turn and we wind up together in the end.

because when i watch a film and see the friendship between the female lead and her male best friend, that is what i wish for.

maybe it's just something that comes with time for some women. while i want a man in my life, i don't, honestly. being in a relationship-relationship takes too much time out of your life. it can make you a completely different person or make that person the only one in your life by abandonment of the others that were always there before. not always, but i have a feeling that's the way it is with your first real love.

because, despite having a few somewhat-relationships, there's never been a passionate love. maybe i'm alone in this, but when deciding to enter something beyond the realm of friendship, i take it really seriously. this is someone whom you're letting in, whom could be your equal half and the love could be overflowing where you don't know what to do with yourself.

truly, i've never wanted to have flings or trysts or what ever you might call them. but i've also never been naive to think the first person you're in a serious relationship will wind up as your partner for life. there are always exceptions and i cannot foresee the future, but i don't want to seem unknowing either. some of my most lovely friends married their first loves.

there's also an odd feeling that overcomes me sometimes that it will be of a large circumstance that i'll marry someone. that this person will have great influence and be beautifully bold in light of the entire world.

that being stated, i do know that it will be atleast 5, if not 10 years before i'll marry someone.

i'm odd. there's admittance. i get strong feelings, notions and extreme deja vu. with almost every aspect of life.

all i can hope is that if there are any other significant other loves in my life before then, that they will leave me with peace and not misunderstanding. sometimes, looking back, i wonder not what it is i might have done wrong or said wrong to a certain man, but where his head was. why didn't he do something or say something more pursuingly and not leave my heart with an unknowing disgust for every man i'd meet thereafter.

the being that created this earth. He's someone whom i've been angry with for quite some time.

whenever people would tell me that they used to be angry with God or are, i would never grasp that idea.

up until those teenage years that make some kids feel the most different and alone person living, i had a happy upbringing and life. not much bothered me and i was pretty optimistic all the time. i even made a statement such as, 'why would anyone be depressed? life is great! there's no reason to be sad!'.

this was not because i had the most grand life; but because the thought that someone could be so unhappy with life or the life they had and the people in it was so beyond me and i just couldn't find that idea in my life.

trust me, now i know why. more so than i ever could think how and any rational reason to say it was okay for it to be present.

to think of all the reasons why i feel so out of love and into a deep, disturbing hate for God, almost, is very unnerving and almost petty when i read some. the outpouring of the past six months just blurted itself out of my system.

God, i'm angry with you because...

you put me on a plane back to america.

you have never let me live somewhere where i was ever really happy.

you've put person after person into my life whom has let me down.

you've not given me a passion to ever put forth change.

you've made me become someone that only finds faults in people.

you gave me skills but haven't helped me use them.

you've put me in a selfish country, therefore i've become narcissistic.

you made me experience sheer terrified loneliness and dis-compassion.

you put me in a cell in a country i thought i would be in love with.

you made me a person who holds onto things, forever.

you made lies stand out more than understanding.

you let me get to such a bad place.

you gave others gifts that i thought i had and let them use them.

you gave me opportunities to only take them away right after.

you put people in my life who taught me to hate you.

you left me alone without means of getting back.

you let me push myself away from you.

you allowed me to laugh at those who believed in you truly.

you made me think i was completely unimportant and unwanted.

you let me get so out of whom i was and into this place of self-destruction and hatred for those making life-changing and loving decisions. i started to hate things and certain types of people i once cared most for and wanted to be like. you let lies be fed to me that made me so cynical that i cried at how lost i was to find what i really thought.

the cynicism outweighed all else until i fell broken and my heart immensely shattered at someones door whom i once thought hated me and didn't care.

now. i'm in a place of re-understanding. of growing closer again. all because of that person and the words YOU let into my life. of trying to let go of all the anger and not let my walls be built with so much concrete. of letting people not bother me so much. of pure just letting go.

as much as i want instant gratification, it will not happen. this disenchantment that grew with you will take time to heal, my wounds are deep and stream with infections of colors that i cannot truly describe to anyone but you because you know. i used to believe only because there was fear not to. others of importance and withholding told me i must and so i did.

i believed for myself during the summer of my life. but afterwards, when everyone left me and was kicked out of the one place of belief in you i had, the impassionate nature i grasped onto started.

only when you tore me out of england in the most terrifying 24 hours of my life. being treated like the utmost criminal; no sleep, no nourishment, no passion for anything but not getting back on a plane and an unwanted anger for people i thought i would embrace - did i start to completely unwind.

why you would give me such an opportunity and rip it away from me in such haste gave me such underlying anger and pure hatred. you ruined my life. or so i thought, the lies feeding my mind.

not in the mood to make assumptions or declare statements i'm unsure if i trust. maybe you didn't want me there. maybe you needed me back here for something. maybe you knew i wasn't ready. maybe maybe maybe. i don't have the time or want to say things i don't know for sure.

all i do know is that i feel such clarity. i feel such clarity for you bringing and re-bringing people into my life who will give me strength in life and with you. whom will not tear me down and will re-new and find things to help me and let me know i'm loved. important. not alone. and wanted.

wanted by you, the being without whom i would most certainly not even come to exist on earth.

wanted by loving companions in life who'll show me how great i can be. with you. who'll help to teach me and learn how only with your hands can my gifts be strengthened and i come to a place where the anger is all gone. no more exists. i can see people the way i used to.

that i will have brand new eyes.

that my fall leaf will be encased in love so deep from you and others that it should never have to shatter again.

2011-02-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

re-examining and re-evaluating life.
be back when i'm not feeling:

Definition

in·ad·e·quate

ADJECTIVE

1. not enough or not good enough: failing to reach an expected or required level or standard.

hey you

2011-02-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

i took some photos of some pretty french macarons.

if you'd like to see them, keep scrolling.

(all SOOC, film.)

also, i'm back on flickr. check it out.

lovelovelove.

so many things i hate about you

2011-02-02T22:07:00.000-08:00

so exhausted.

tired of trying to get through to you.

wherever you are.

missing the times we shared.

tried to fight the tears tonight.

but they just came.

why i keep blaming myself.

i'll never know why.

but i will.

maybe i should send you that letter.

that explains how i feel.

maybe then your eyes will be new.

to how much hurt you've impacted.

i tried to fight the tears.

but they just came.

and killed my life.

once again.

----------

feeling restless and unhinged. it's amazing how a day can go from so beautiful to a complete and utter emotional downfall. blogging was intended to be an online journal and mine is probably going to change to that within the next few weeks. if my attitude and life doesnt change, that is. i know i have a good life and it's so much better than a lot of people; and there's so many people in pain for worse issues. but i would wish for any other life right now, i'm pretty tired and annoyed with being me lately; the feelings just keep re-surfacing no matter how hard i try to bury them. i know there are people who care about me, but i couldn't be more alone right now. there's just...no patience, at all and i want to scream at everyone for every little thing they do that comes across in a bad light to me. maybe i'm loosing my mind, maybe this is all stemming from too much time by myself, maybe i need to let things off my chest, really, to the people who've hurt me and have no idea of their actions, MAYBE i've always been a bitch in disguise. who knows, no one probably cares.

here's to the start of actual journaling.

instant cinnamon

2011-01-31T09:20:00.000-08:00

recenty, i got back into flickr. my pro account is still expired and i've yet to FULLY get back into the swing of it, but i do love just exploring all my contacts photos and finding new photostreams that have gorgeous photos. like, the one i'm about to show you.

*cinnamon's photostream has been a favorite of mine ever since i joined flickr a few years ago. her photography is so simple and lovely; very athereal almost.

upon exploring flickr again in the past month or so, i've noticed a lot more instant photography on her stream; which i love. the fujifilm instax 210 is such a cute camera and despite the instax mini being more popular, i love the idea of the wide instant photograph. and all the customer reviews on amazon seem to be positive, so that's a good sign!

the fujifilm instax 210 camera.

*cinnamon's lovely photographs: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

all this to say that, my vintage polaroid land camera (210, with bellows.) has really been ticking me off lately. no lie. it just doesn't seem to want to co-operate with anything these days and never produces my photos in focus or what i actually centered images on. it might also be that in the past i've mostly used black and white photos and the first and only other time i'd used color was some vintage polaroid film i'd found on ebay before i knew you could buy it much less expensive through amazon and fujifilm.

SO, i think that i'm going to purchase the 210. (!!!) i only have amazon prime - with free 2-day shipping - for a little bit longer and have a $20 amazon card burning a hole in my pocket. so, after buying the camera and the film, i'll actually be only buying the camera, $1.50 less!

what are your thoughts on *cinnamon's beautiful photos? instant photography? any tips on how to help me out with my old polaroid land camera? have you tried out these new instant cameras? pros, cons? your comments are much appreciated!

lovelovelove.

EDIT: last i looked at the mini - it was $80 and after going to amazon to grab that link it's now $71. based on your experience, which do you think is better or will last longer..? i think the 210 is still pretty neat, with the wide photos, but the mini is pretty darn cute. input, please!

a letter to someone i once knew

2011-01-27T08:40:00.000-08:00

Dear old friend,

why did you ever change? why did our friendship just disappear? those are some questions i've been feeling like need answers more than anything these days. you were once the only person i could really count on and could talk to anything about. you were the person who taught me life lessons and would tell me i had potential when i most certainly thought i did not. why did you ever have to leave my life? WHY? do you know how much it breaks my heart to hear you talk so highly of people who you've known for a handful of weeks when i've known you almost my whole life? put aside the fact that those people could be well deserving of love or are really amazing; we're talking about our friendship here. since when do you love this or have that interest when i would hear the exact opposite feeling for them? do not mistake these questions and sentances for complete hatred of who you are now; i think who you've evolved to be is a wonderful and beautiful person, but where in this universe is the old you? can she not fit into your hectic life anymore? yes, i miss you, sometimes more than anything if i have a day where i think 'oh, SHE would understand this' or 'i wish i could hear her opinion on this issue' and it still kills me, makes my heart hurt SO much, to know i'm no longer important in your life. but please, tell me where the old you has gone? where are her interests and opinions? her passions and talents she once filled her life with? did you just toss them aside like me? no longer important or relevent like our friendship? where is the girl i met, after so much time had passed of different states, moves and houses that re-kindled my love for people and life? where did her murder occur? don't look at me, all i remember is a vague point in the past where you stopped existing in my daily life; i have no clue where you decided to kill off your old self and become this new person. like i stated, this new woman is lovely, i like her; but when you decide to change who you are, that doesn't mean that the good parts of your past can't change with you. i'm not talking staying up super late and only getting two hours of sleep before work talent, i'm speaking of photography like talent. yes, it's still there, but not as strongly. where's the girl who used to carry a camera around with her everywhere? i'm not going to go into more detail because i honestly don't care to shed more tears over your lost existence and the friendship that i want to see again, but don't see how it will re-occur. and i do feel like i might have already said too much. but i wanted to get this letter out there, in the open. because i feel like it's been a long time coming and i can't just decide to let it go. some people say that's what you have to do with things like this, but being stubborn is a trait i will never kill off. so, whether you know this is about you or have no clue as to why i've written all this out, i hope you at least got to read it. because maybe someday, something in you will click and i'll see the old friend and maybe even the old friendship i once knew.

Sincerely,

a broken hearted old friend

midnight love

2011-01-24T23:57:00.000-08:00

it's midnight, on a monday-tuesday and i'm currently in love with the following:

- 'friends' & 'how i met your mother' re-runs. they're the best cure for a head cold.
- also good for a head-cold? lots of haagan dazs sorbet. my pocket-book is so angry with me.
- dinosaur toes' new items added oh-so-often. despite not being able to afford it all, i just love looking at it. danielle is so talented, such a beautiful person inside & out and i'm so thankful our friendship is growing as blog/twitter buds.
- this photo of my caela. she's so gorgeous, it's insane.
- oh my goodness, this video is SO adorable and SO funny at the same time. you will die, no lie.
- recent vogue covergirls natalie portman & kristen stewart. they're so gorgeous and two of my style icons.
- lady sarah of sadie designs is awesome. plain and simple. i love her blog, her etsy shop and following her on twitter. i have a feeling she'll be a good blog-bud for a long time.
- april's recent blog posts on her room and general life situations; it's rare anymore to see bloggers do what blogs were intended for: journaling. photo, inspiration and random blogs (like mine) are awesome, i adore them, but it's nice to have a few journal-esque blogs mixed in, you know?
- these photos of amy & danielle. seriously- how killer are they?!
- this watch in brown from anthro. $40! i'm odd. and think that's a lot of dough to spend on a watch. despite actually needing a watch, haha.
- french macarons. obsessed. it's official. thinking about making my own after seeing this lovely post on coeur de la recently.
- glee soundtracks. enough said

inspired by micaela, as most of us are, to cheer myself up on saturday after coming down with a head cold i tried on some of my old red lipstick and snapped a few webcam shots. pardon my shirt, i took them right after work and i wear plain mens t-shirts; they make me look so boxy, i hate it.

so not to end on a debbie downer note, guess what i'm waking up SUPER early for in the morning? THE ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATIONS! so excited, you have no idea. there's always a few surprises and i'm so psyched to see who's chosen and who could be snubbed this year. you'll probably be reading this after whomever is announced, so! tell me what you think of the nominees and who you think should've been nominated, who'll win, etcetera!

lovelovelove.

(top photo by yours truly)

a photographers daughter

2011-01-20T09:17:00.000-08:00

back in december, my dad got a new SLR digital camera for work and wanted to test it out amoungst different lighting, colors and background. i grew up with film cameras up until about ten-ish years ago and still prefer film over digital. to think that someday, it could even be discontiued like polaroid film is such a fear of mine; and i hate that so many people my age and even younger will never know what real photography is. but! i won't go on that rant, at least not for this post, haha.

rewind back to the topic of discussion. my dad got a new camera, wanted to test it out; and i was heading over to anthropologie to do a little bit of shopping, asked him if he wanted to come. (and mentioning that williams and sonoma is right by anthro, that helped too, haha.)

- before i was born and a short time after, my dad along with my mom had his own studio and was a wedding photographer as well as still life and portraits. if i've rarely said before, i am a photographers daughter and it's one of the many things i'm so proud to have inheireted from my dad. -

my dad had never been to anthro before, despite me being there probably 50% of the time over the Christmas season. so, kind of out-of-place looking in a store full of ladies, he walked around for about an hour just taking photos of everything. exclaiming things like 'loook at how they refurbished that!', 'that couch is awesome!' and 'i didn't know those were measuring spoons, so neat!'.

so! even though it's a bit late, i did want to show you some of the lovely photos he took. there were almsot 100 of them, but here's some that were my utmost favorites. all of the photos were taken my dad and a little bit of editing by yours truly. hope you like them!

seriously?

2011-01-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

my state of mind and mouth at the moment.

yeah, we'll leave it at that.

(if the video doesn't work: click here.)

excitement

2011-01-16T04:00:00.000-08:00

right now, i'll probably be at work, working a long morning shift. so excited to get up at six am, SO excited! (enough sarcasm? oh well...)

but i have a lovely thing to look forward to when i get home - the golden globes!

if you met me AFTER awards show season last year, let's just say that you've been warned. it gets obsessive; but not ugly unless you're not one for 'famous people being awarded for playing make believe' as i've heard it described.

yesssss, i love that part too, being an avid before-ceremony red carpet - on e! nonetheless -viewer and rating all the glamorous dresses as well.

but honestly and truly, i LOVE films and everything that goes into making them. when the awards for cinematography, costume design, score and screenwriting roll around (and other etc. somewhat boring awards.) i get just as excited and nervous to see who wins as to what actors, actresses and movie win the big awards of the night.

my favorites thus far have actually been all of the big contendors - 'true grit', 'black swan', 'the kings speech' 'the social network'; but if i had to pick a favorite, it would probably be 'black swan'. it's stunning visually and natalie portman's performance is INCREDIBLE.

the nominations for the academy awards are announced on the 25th, bright and early and i am SO excited to find out the nominees. despite it looking as if 'the social network' will win best picture this year, i'm secretly, strongly rooting for 'the kings speech', as i think it's the best all around film in acting, cinematography, writing and directing; 'black swan' is my favorite personally, but when owning up to THE best, i think it's 'the kings speech'.

your thoughts on awards shows? the academy awards? what about the big contenders this year - seen them/have a favorite? let me know! i'm more than interested.

no good title

2011-01-13T00:22:00.000-08:00

somehow, someway, all the inspiration i've been receiving lately has been disappearing, not being put to use. so, i'm aborting that form of action and plan to blog, photograph it, take a note, tweet or write it down in a letter every time it comes along. i've been here many other times before, saying i'll commit to something and it always goes away. well, honestly, i don't know how long it will stick, if it will. but for the first time, i actually feel like i want to change. like i want to blog every day or that i could get up earlier in the morning and not feel miserable. like i could save more money or keep up with letter writing more than i have been. it's just a feeling, that hasn't been said out loud yet. but i know it's there, and i know that these next few months are going to be amazing. somehow, yes, i can just FEEL it. there are finally good, solid, caring, wonderful people in my life who inspire me and make me smile every single day. finally enough inspiration flowing in every day that make me want to blog and not care about how many comments the posts get. currently, people are making resolutions to loose weight or 'get healthy'; where i, finally feel at home and not pressured ALL the time to be thinner. there are days where, like most women, i hate my body and never want to leave the house, but those days are few and far between anymore. it's not at full capacity yet, but something is changing within me, making me want to change, to try and plan things and figure out the plan for all things in my life.

there are a few people that need some appreciation, real thanks for being amazing; for inspiring me to live life to the fullest, every day.

danielle. her blog has REALLY been inspiring me lately. it's so lovely, sweet, adorable and funny. her and her awesome husband should have their own sitcom. plus, she uses her own photographs for every post she does, and they're GORGEOUS photos at that. if you follow her on twitter, you know how lovely she is. such an inspiration as a blogger, person and friend. thank you, miss biscuit, love you bunches.

amy. for just being her, really. every day she'll tweet something or take a photo of something that makes you smile. miss amy is one of the small handful of people whom helps me to look forward to the future, of maybe having a family. because she leads her own life, yet has a husband and family too; which many women say they have and do so happily, but seldom do i believe it. not with amy though, she never gives me any doubt that life can be awesome. thank you, schmamey, you're the bee's knees.

sarah. her jewelry is SO gorgeous and awe inspiring. as well is her blog. she takes great, simple photos and writes the stories of her life so well, you're instantly hooked into the latest post. if you haven't visited her shop or blog yet, i urge you too right away; the past few days it has been one of my main sources of inspiration. thank you sarah, for the lovelieness.

micaela & marianne. the lechuga twins have been too lovely and compassionate to me lately, i adore them so. micaela being one of my best friends and marianne slowly becoming one. over the last two weeks or so i've exchanged emails and phone calls with both of them almost consistently and it's been so wonderful, something rely on maybe. knowing their support and love isn't more than an email away. m & m, thanks so much for being good friends.

danielle. following her on twitter has been a blessing, really. she's such a sweetheart and ever since following her, i've been reading her blog nonstop. always knowing it was there, but somehow forgetting to read it all the time like others before. now though, i am addicted. she always posts the most lovely and inspiring photos, links to great shops, and great writings on day to day life with her husband. she's an inspiration in liking to amy in that she's living her own life, doing what she loves, yet has found love and kept it. when people have been married a long time, it gives me great hope; so many marriages end and i'm so happy to have found a blog that celebrates a strong marriage in contrast to a woman's other interests as well. thank you lady dinosaur, for being you.

april. somehow, i feel incredulously connected to this lady. she blogs about such relate-able things and never ceases to give me a laugh or good cry after reading her blog. honestly is her best policy and i adore it. maybe someday we can explore france or the whole fo europe together since this time didn't work out as planned; i know she'd be an awesome traveling partner. thanks april, for being honest and endearing always.

april. reconnecting through twitter has been lovely. out of nowhere sometimes, i'll get a sweet or caring response from her and i always know she means what she says. so glad to live in an age of technology, moving away from each other has been a bit easier with the loveliness that is phone calls, email, twitter and skype. thank you april, for getting back in touch & being sweet.

paige. despite not having a real conversation for a while, you as a wonderful human being always inspire me. even when we disagree. i'm so happy just to know you, as your life in general is an inspiration to keep on going through life no matter what get's thrown in your path. as with those people that mean a lot to yourself, there are no exact words to say other than thank you. you rock socks all over the world miss baker.

these articles written by lauren and found via twitter. articles that really hit home and yes, changed my life a little bit. no doubt i'll have a glass of water by my bed tonight, ;].

&& the impossible project, moreso than ever before. 35mm photography owns my heart, but polaroid is most definitely the mistress, if it needs a label.

THANK YOU. i love you. talk to you soon.

and the winner is...

2011-01-08T00:05:00.001-08:00

congratulations april!

will be sending out your dvds next week!

thanks so much to everyone who entered my first giveaway, it really meant a lot!

my blog anniversary is monday and if i get 200 followers by febuary, i'll have another giveaway. planning on either an etsy or anthropologie related one..you know me. ;]

hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

guest post over at dolce vita!

2011-01-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

guest-posting over at micaela's blog today!

PS: only two more days to enter the giveaway!

contentment, finally

2011-01-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

as i sit here in this restaurant, just by myself, some water and my computer, i realize something.

i'm content.

my whole life, because of being a member of a nomad family, i've been alone. playing, singing, seeing movies, sitting in coffee shops, shopping..everything.

always, i've wanted more, someone physically there. people to build memories with and have times to look back on in laughter or tears. people there to say 'hey! do you remember that time...' as we sit and wait for a movie to start.

yes. they're there. five wonderful people whom i love more than anything because i do and it's not a obligatory or blood related thing. but they're not here, physically, in the same town.*

but as i sit here. just me, reading and writing all alone with the elevator music, it's almost like a little oven timer went off in my head.

i'm content. just as i am, by myself.

would i love some company? of course. nothing would be more brilliant than to have all the people i hold most dear close by all the time. honestly though, i think it could ruin it. not the friendship of course, but a balance moreso. if EVERYONE, close friends, good friends, were all living in a 20 mile radius from me...my heart could very well combust.

it would be too much!

not saying i like it this way, all the time. most certainly do i get lonely or wish that my bank account was one of a millionaires and i could fly to see everyone, every week. more than anything, do some days i just want to hug someone and tell them that everything's going to be alright, in person. (and vice versa.)

in 2011, that's something i'd really love to achieve. to have 'met' everyone i hold most dear, have those memories made; and to take roll after roll of film, and have those photographs of captured time forever.

but for this moment, on the first day of the year, i am honestly content. finally.

*(one out of five people i love and trust most is in the same city as myself, which i think helps the balance.)

a giveaway

2010-12-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

CHICK - FLICK GIVEAWAY!

most of the time, i don't care too much for chick-flicks. too many are BEYOND predictable and actually kind of boring. but these, these are some that i just LOVE and think are actually pretty well made. in this small collection, i included one of each semi-genre within the genre of chick-flicks; Julie & Julia - a comedy, The Holiday - a tear-jerker, Mamma Mia - a musical and The Princess Bride - a classic.

- RULES OF ENTRY -
+ must be a follower of my blog +
+ comment with your favorite quote from a chick-flick +

- EXTRA ENTRIES -
(leave a comment with each different entry)
+ FOUR extra entries if you blog about it +
+ THREE extra entries if you tweet about it +
+ TWO extra entries for becoming a twitter follower +

winner will be picked and announced two weeks from tomorrow, the seventh of january.

thanks for entering, and good luck!!

EDIT: april brought up a good point; and since she was the first to comment, it'll go how she commented. for the multiple entry ones, go ahead and comment that amount. most likely, will be better to keep track of. thanks for the pointer lady!

tied up (with strings)

2010-12-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

so.....
what's been up with you guys?
me? oh well..nothing much, really.
but here are a few things i've been up to,
and some lovely hints of things to come.

micaela's news was so hard to keep a secret! i'm SO, SO happy for max and her, this is truly the most wonderful piece of news and i CANNOT wait to hear all the moving and el paso stories! the weather is pretty insane there, so i have no doubt it will be a brilliant job for sir maxham and one great adventure for both of them.

yeah. i totally caved. and am now obsessed. watched the first season in about three days and am almost halfway through the second one. TOO good, too damn good.

saw black swan last week and LOVED IT. it is by far one of the best films i've ever seen and one of my most favorite performances by natalie portman. BUT, it isn't for everyone, haha, my friend carol hated it; it's got some 'graphic' stuff in it at times, but it didn't bother me too much as i was too interested to see what was going to happen to nina (portman) and this swan that seemed to be growing inside her. (but won't say any more, you have to see it for yourself! HAVE to!)

and speaking of possibly oscar canditates, i am more excited than words can express to see true grit sometime over the weekend. the whole cast in this movie looks so wonderful and i'm kind of a sucker for a funny-ish jeff bridges character, hehe.

AND

have taken about 300 or so photos for blogging recently, but have so overwhelmed with it, that i just sort of shut down and obviously haven't blogged at all for a bit. but! to start off some much needed and delayed blog therapy, i'll be posting about a giveaway thursday!

LOVE!

hello, awesome

2010-12-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

so, when i saw this Chronicle Books 'Haul-idays' Giveaway on Oh Hello Friend the other day, i had a major happy attack. AND thought it a perfect way to get back into blogging after a tiny bit of a break. (completely unintended by the way. actually have had some time off since there's been a bit of a work lull, but just somehow haven't had the itch to scratch in the realm of blogging.) basically, the deal is, a blogger creates a list of Chronicle Book items in total under $500, enters AND if she/he wins, someone who comments on the post as well, wins the entire haul. (!!!)

BUT, when it came time to putting together the list, keeping it under $500, it took me forever, forever. since i'm combining books with stationery and other oddities, it was really hard to get it down to the right amount. (me + visions of disney pixar art books = a bad idea and lots of $$.) just an hour ago, i finally got my list right at about $500; $499.15 to be exact, hehe. So, hopefully we have similar taste in all things lovely and you'd enjoy winning my list too. Here's the full list and some photos...

1.) Allure

2.) Beatles Fan Pack

3.) Cath Kidston Birds & Blooms Stationery Box

4.) Cath Kidston Masking Tape: Red Stars

5.) Cath Kidston Masking Tape: Yellow Stars

6.) Cath Kidston Stationery Box

7.) Creative, INC.

8.) Flour

9.) Greetings From The Ocean's Sweaty Face

10.) I Love Macarons

11.) I, Me, Mine

12.) Lennon Legend

13.) Little Book of Letterpress

14.) Lotta Jansdotter's Handmade Living

15.) Lotta Jansdotter's Simple Sewing

16.) Painted Cookies

17.) Paper + Craft

18.) Picture Show

19.) Tea & Crumpets

20.) The Art of UP

21.) Very Merry Cookie Party

lovelovelove

2010-11-22T07:45:00.000-08:00

+source

+source

+source

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^ever since i was 13, for my birthday i'd have cheesecake instead of regular birthday cake. and for the past 5 years or so, my dad's made it from scratch and it is still the best cheesecake i've ever had.

a few years ago for my Christmas cards, i wrote thank-you's to all the people who had made my year amazing and gotten me through it. recently, lauren did something similar, only for her birthday. so i thought i'd take the time out to thank the following three people for all they've done for me this year. and everyone in between.

you three have been so amazing this year and always open and loving. a completely honest friendship is present with each of you and i am SO grateful and thankful to have you girls in my life and heart.

micaela - not sure where exactly to start; it's really hard to believe that it's coming on a year that we've known one another. somehow, that slow summer really did pass by quickly. caela, you have been such a caring and open-hearted friend; i told you after i received your first letter that it was like speaking to a friend i'd had for many, many years. your ability to be so open and outreaching with your heart and friendship, not just with me but with so many others as well is such an inspiration. thank you for being just an email or phone call away and for all the memories filled with laughter and love we've shared. lovelove you.

paige - you are so amazing. pretty much that. i honestly don't know what my life would be without you in it anymore, you are such a brilliant and compassionate person and friend. for all you've been through and still go through, you will always be an inspiration to me; almost like a big sister, yet four years younger, haha. the love and consideration you exude on a daily basis continues to astound me and i'm so thankful for it. at least saying 'hi' or 'how are you' to one another every day is really lovely, just being able to touch base with a person every day and know that they will answer. the conversations, laughter, and tears we share with one another will be some of my most cherished memories. love you.

bianca - oh my goodness bee. you are SO inspiring and wonderful, with your art and your heart; probably one of the most giving peple i've ever known. it's hard to put into words just how much inspiration you give me along with so many others daily. just looking at the old letters you've send me or your latest mail art zine, my head is full of so many interesting ideas. and out of getting to know you through writing and blogging, you've become one of my really good friends. even if it's just for a small chat, you always make me laugh or smile. the love, compassion, and kindness you've shown and given to me is astounding and i'm so grateful. someday i'll head down to australia to meet you and we'll have letter-writing sessions and bake all sorts of (vegan) treats. love you lady.

lauren & danielle - thank you for being two guiding lights and inspirations. lauren, for all the photos you take and words of inspiration you write. i love you and miss you so much; and hope that 2011 is much better for our friendship than 2010 was. our conversations need a way back into my life, soon. and danielle, you are such an amazing and brilliant lady. your blog posts make me laugh and then cry and then leave me with a big smile every time. the caring and giving heart you have is amazing and the little chats that pop up in my email inbox are so oddly timely; always coming when i loose most faith in people and there's a little email, for whatever about from you, haha. i hope to see our friendship grow in the next year for you are such a lovely light at the end of the tunnel.

april, jennie, megan, and marguerite - the four of you are such brilliant, inspiring, loving, caring and compassionate people. knowing some of you for a long time, the others only for a matter of months. but grouping the four of you together just seemed right. for all of you just say the right thing or ask the right questions or send thoughtful postcards or just @mention on twitter when it's needed most. this is just a little thank you and acknowledgement that i think you girls are awesome and thank you for putting a smile on my face.

to all pen pals - i wish i could give a shout out to all of you. for each and every one deserves it; the letters that come to my box are so lovely and inspiring, i'm asounded by each one after another. all 30+ of you bring something interesting and different to the table when it's time for a letter to be written and i love that, so much. thank you for the long letters, the short ones, the beautifully & elaborately decorated ones to the simple and sweet ones. lovelovelove you guys and what you bring into my life every day when i sit down at my desk to write a letter or postcard. lovelove.

a beautiful story

2010-11-18T06:41:00.000-08:00

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harry potter and the deathly hallows (part one) will be officially released at midnight tonight.

it's the end of an era, a generational love for something. not gonna lie, i'm pretty sad; it's amazing how something can just encompass your life and your whole generations' lives, really.

honestly, i've never read the books. and just didn't want to until after all the films are done. for two reasons of that i'm afraid it will mess up my vision and view of the films and two, i honestly just never felt the need to, like a lot of people.

the films, really, are just so beautiful to me. it sounds odd, if you don't care for them, haven't seen them or just think they are a waste of time. (trust me, i've known all three.) but the story, cinematography, acting and costumes are all so wonderful and amazing; i do think they are 'films' and not just automatically filtered into the 'fantasy-comic-book-action-adventure-blockbuster' genre.

just the fact that this boy was saved, able to live because of all the love his mother had for him; and that harry puts up with so much, sacrifices so much, deals with such loss, amongst so many other things, makes him a wonderful character to me. the films show so many great aspects of life and the things that happen in it, that i think kids might not ever fully grasp without it. not just harry potter, but other books with storylines like it as well.

and i love the fact that it also shows great friendships and how they should work. the connection and love that harry, ron and hermoine have for one another is so strong and just...lovely, really; to see, watch and witness that i also think it's a great example and role model (the characters and storylines) for kids and teens to look at and know that THAT is what real friendship is like and how we should treat one another.

and it's quite funny and adorable throughout all of the movies (especially the first couple) to see them bicker and tease one another, i must say. one of my favorite moments of the entire series is in goblet of fire where they're studying and talking about the ball, where snape keeps smacking ron and harry on the head because they're not concentrating.

"hermoine, you're a girl."

"yes, spot on."

think about it, without harry potter (or any other phenomena book or book series, really) would kids even READ, read-read anymore? i don't think they would. there would, offfff couurrrrsssee be those exception to the rules, but really, i don't think that the passion to read or wanting to continue to read after all seven books would exist for people between 8 and 18 if j.k. rowling & harry potter didn't exist.

so, just be kind and know that while i may not be a super-fan, that it has affected me and it is a big part of my life, in a small way. i know some just do not get it, mostly because i just think some don't give it a chance or have issues against it, for whatever reason that could be. but for those of us who have loved it for so long, whether it be the books only, the films only, or both, tomorrow is somewhat of a big deal. just like it was when the book came out in 2007. it's the end of something that has been a part of our lives for TEN years. and it will most certainly feel odd come next summer when it's officially all over.

harry potter, i love you and your story and can't wait to witness the beginning of the end tonight.

twenty

2010-11-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

+ source

my twentieth birthday is looming. and i'm pretty happy about it.

nineteen was rough. and annoying meshing with heartbreak.

so sick of nineteen, i plan to have the first day i'm twenty, kick it's sorry ass. hard.

who cares if it's not twenty-one? i hate the taste of pretty much every kind of alchohol you can name.

who cares if all my friends live hundrends of miles away? i will figure out a way to be with each one of them during my twentieth year.

if spending can be kept to a minimum this week, i plan to take myself out to lunch and splurge on something.

what you may ask? well, i don't know which one(s) yet, but i have quite the plentiful ideas...

+

+

**note - all links are below each photo.

suicidal feet

2010-11-11T09:23:00.000-08:00

+ source

at the beginning of october, i started my new job; working at whole foods. it's amazing, the best place i've ever worked in my life. but also, the most painful. not being used to being on my feet ALL THE TIME, has made mine hurt incredibly bad. i honestly would not be surprised if my feet looked up at me and said 'see ya!', decapitated themselves and then walked as far away from me as they could. there's blisters, puss and swollenness, oh my! and i'm so thankful to have a boss that gave me next week practically off; to rest those wounded soldiers at the bottom of my body and perhaps in that time, my new work shoes (that the company orders for you and are non-slip & apparently way more comfortable.) will have come in.

but don't let it be believed that i don't love my job and want to work there as much as possible. because it's just a brilliant place to be, with so many smiling and unique faces. one of the reasons i have always loved whole foods.

diversity is something i've always wanted more of in my life, because it's just not ever been there. so many cultures and people, in general, inspire me and give me inspiration. one of the girls in customer service, has quite a few tattoos and piercings. i LOVE that. i think that that is one of the epitomes of beauty. just the natural unique-ness someone has and it being natural, not trying to be different. (cause there are so many people who strive to be. but that's a different blog post entirely.)

there's a young man in specialty that goes by his initials, but has one of the most wonderful names, ever. it's french and even though he has no accent, it wouldn't surprise me if his parents were first generation french immigrants.

there are several other people working there that have such unique looks, personalities and culture backgrounds, it's crazy. natural red hair, super tall and quirky, scruffy beard & could be mistaken for a mumford and sons band member, two older ladies with brilliant white-gray hair & happy dispositions, one of the admins who is never in a bad mood and says the funniest things you'll ever hear & a pretty smile for days, ETC ETC. the list can go on, and i would if it was possible to describe everyone.

honestly, my feet hurt HELLA bad. (yes, i just said hella.) and i wish that the customers who are considerate, funny, sweet and interesting were more than few and far between as they have been lately. but you know what? i look at it in this way:

if at my job, if i get to speak for a good five minutes to a wonderful older irish woman, telling my how much i'll love it when i'll go and speaking about the store and travel in general. my feet can decapitate themselves, anytime.

note: in no way or sound of mind possibility would i ever cut off my feet or wish them to.

highlights of out

2010-10-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

outgoing mail highlights are as follows...

^pretty missives for paige.

^a red-a-licious envelope for jennie.

^reply to a lovely new pen-pal.

^some postcards and missives to my caela.

^couple of postcards to nate.

^a bright and colorful envelope to a new correspondent.

^mail experiment (that arrived!) to carolee.

^postcard to the ever charming miss biscuit.

^gasping girl envelope to elle.

^postcards from the set bee sent me; to miss spoon and micaela.

^postcard for lauren.

^a box of cupcake pebbles cereal sent as is and wrapped in brown paper to paige.

^handmade postcard to carolee.

^reply to the 'caboolture radical aerospace programme'.

^postcard for the missive maven herself.

^the start of many thank yous to new pen-friend, marguerite.

^reply to the wonderful donovan.

time is fleeting

2010-10-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

oh snap.

guess what.

i'm at barnes and noble.

and i have the glee GQ issue in my hand.

somebody better call the cops.

cause it's the worst thing you could ever have in your possession.

cause it's probably like pedophilia.

COME ON PEOPLE.

the ages of these people, in these photos are 24 & 28.

they are not underage.

and they are playing roles, in the shoot.

this is not how some of them choose to look on a normal basis.

nor would i think, look like on an everyday basis.

except of course, montieth, whom is in layered cardigans and such.

this is not a confession.

just a first time announcement here; that i ADORE glee.

it is my favorite show and one of only two current tv shows i actually watch.

the characters, the music, the storylines, the actors, the creators.

all of it.

i love and support.

and quite frankly.

DO NOT THINK KIDS SHOULD BE WATCHING IT.

yes, there are exceptions.

i know and have known a lot of kids between 11 and 18 that are mature way beyond their years.

and could watch it, handle it, understand it and not be 'affected' by it.

but that's not the majority.

and while i would have been able to watch it at sixteen.

i can list off a bunch of people in my past and present who would not have.

so yes, i understand the 'controversy'.

but seriously?!

this is not a 'children's show'.

and i don't think it will ever head in that direction.

or had been.

i'm not raising these/your kids.

but i know i wouldn't let mine watch it unless i knew they were of a mature state of mind.

and it didn't just go in one ear and out the other.

or stick there for all eternity.

SO.

basically.

dianna agron, lea michele and cory montieth are all in their mid to late twenties.

they're not underage.

and they don't dress like that ALL THE DAMN TIME.

it was a photoshoot.

and, lady gaga's awesome.

but they are not lady gaga.

and everything they play out behind a camera.

is not who they are.

so GET OVER IT.

move on.

and smile.

cause it makes the world a better place.

got it?

oh, good! i'm so happy.

- this has been a rare rant from lauren nicole scott. -

EDIT: check out claire's view in the comments. that would be my only issue and feel awful that i overlooked it. ALSO, out of a huge, diverse cast..why are only these people on the cover? yeah, i know the answer, but it's a good thing to point out as well. i see nothing wrong with it really, it was (especially michele's) their choice to dress like that and every woman has a right to express their sexuality if they choose to. so, yes, it is objectification, but at the same time, everyone, esp. women, have the freedom to choose these things. michele, apparently didn't mind showing the skin. so, to me, that's not necessarily full objectification since they didn't really say no to the photos being published.

triple ten

2010-10-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

today was the tenth of october, twenty ten! how cool is that? even more awesome? having your birthday be that date, right? miss paige's BFF cheryl and her husband gave birth to beautiful little baby girl evie at 5:43 this morning! you can read more about it on p's blog. :]

also, today diana of our city lights posted some photos she took back in march when she and her lovely hubby went to L.A. to celebrate her birthday and their anniversary. i fell head over heels with these shots and had to show you guys my favorites! check more out here!

hope you all had a wonderful 10/10/10 day!

PS: mail post coming soon!

package of happiness

2010-10-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

yesterday, i received a lovely little parcel. and it was bursting with happiness...

honest and straightforward

2010-09-30T16:44:00.000-07:00

Things I Miss, Some More Desperately Than Others...

- Autumn. It never comes here. One of the many reasons England was so exciting. Florida is a state that has banished Fall and it's amazing colors that give you great feeling. Hopefully, someday, soon, I can be somewhere where Autumn lives and breathes proudly.

- Friends. Yes, I have them. But they're not around or with me. I adore and love the ones I have, so much, but it's a complete difference when the physical person is around. This would all have been so much easier if I could've or could go out and just have a great time with a good friend or group of them. While moving has helped me to grow as a person and not be stuck in the same town my whole life, it's created hardship in friendships. Either loosing them completely or loosing these parts of the friendship that I love a lot.

- Mail. My home mailbox and P.O. have been empty quite often lately; despite actually not being too far behind on my mail in the last month or so. Of course people get busy or distracted, but it's just annoying, honestly. And when you've been having a bad day or week (or just time in general), mail can really lift your mood. Don't care if I sound bad or selfish, but I'm just really getting sick of having nothing to lift my mood day after day.

- Shopping. It's never been as big a part of my life as most of my girlfriends, but I haven't even been able to make an Etsy purchase or use a discount I got from a blog or email. Bad economny = no job in sight = not a lot of extra cash = no more shopping = bleh. Like I said, not a big deal; but it's one of those things that lifts your mood, puts euphoria into your brain and gets rid of some of the sadness for a bit.

- Food. Nothing looks good. Nothing sounds good. I try to eat something that looks so delicious and my body just rejects it. Too much stress and crying equals bad eating habits? I don't know, but it's unsettling when you can't really eat anything.

- Blog Reading. But I'm working on it. Made a list the other day and am going down it; reading and commenting as far back as the last one I read and commenting all the way through. It's a time-consuming process, but worth it. Because so many of you are little mood lifters yourselves and beyond brilliant inspirations.

- Laughter. One of my favorite things. It's gone. Every time I find it, it just runs away from me again. Have no idea how that happens, but it does. Like trying to capture sunlight in a box or wind in a jar. Again, no friends around physically becomes a part of the equation.

- Life. Just in general. I'm so tired, exhausted. When will it end. When will I find life, be able to live again. And not just go sit in a coffee shop, reading and writing, doing nothing - living. Emotionally I am just so tired. How come I haven't run out of tears yet? I'd really like a good explanation. Everything upsets me and just makes me even more sad that I'm not in England, not witnessing wonders and beautiful life and people and EVERYTHING. Of course I am thankful to be alive, to have a roof over my head, to have air in my lungs; but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with the shit that has happened. Like one of my closest friends always tells me: 'You can't compare one situation or life to the other. If you do that, you'll just exhaust yourself; different situations are different, not equal. You can't compare them to one another, because then it'll never be 'fair'.' So, I'm trying not to compare and trying not to dwell on the sadness. But as I said, I feel as though every time I've captured happiness, it just goes out of my reach again.

Thank you, to all of you. Those who read my last post, and those who commented too. Your words are lovely and so wonderful. I just hope to bring you more inspiring posts in the future, unlike this. And maybe someday posts from a different state or country.

LOVE,
- L

why i'm back in america

2010-09-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

WATCH ME, PLEASE.

excerpt of what my mom wrote while i was in detainment:

"Basically she got intimidated by the iimmigration officer after being put in a different line because s...he was staying (barely) over 90 days. And she told them she was going to be an Au Pair for minimal amount. JOB ~ no visa = red flag = let's meet our quota! (We had been told 6 months was max for a student on a holiday.) They detained her in a place called Tinsley house,google it & you will see not exactly inviting!
There were MANY mistakes made on behalf of their protocol which we will have to address. But for now we just want her back on USA soil."

i'm willing to share, because obviously, not all that happened was spoken about when i recorded that. i'm an open book, so just shoot me an email if you'd like (l.nicolephotos(at)gmail(dot)com).

posting will resume, but i will tell you that i'm seriously considering writing more, personal issues and opinions, than before. and it may not all be positive either. a good friend told me the other night that i very well may be depressed or have some form of it; and i honestly believe it to be true. but i'm not that kind of person and will strive not to be, just so down all the time. i've had friends who've never come out of depression or seen how long it takes and i just don't know how long i can stand to not be happy, it's not a life choice i'll be right/good with.

but life isn't good or fair all the time, i know that, of course. and some of you might not get it or think i'm being completely ridiculous or...something. but i have friends, amazing ones, who've tried to and have somewhat convinced me that i'm not being selfish or acting out of turn with my feelings and thoughts right now. so, while i adore my lovely readers, YOU; this is my space and where my heart and soul will pour into and this whole ordeal is going to change my way of blogging from now on. i've decided that, just now, yes.

so, i hope that, while my life as of late has been scary, unsure, depressing and has rattled my emotional well-being, i do so, so hope that YOU ALL have been having a wonderful life and it's been fulfilling your being and soul to it's very limit,

love and tears,

- L

heartheart

2010-09-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

i'm headed for england at three thirtyPM tomorrow!

lovelovelove

- L

bug of the stomach

2010-09-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

SO! what has everyone been up to lately?

i had planned on getting lots of packing, purging, reading and letter-writing done in the last week, but my body decided otherwise. it said 'lauren, i think i'm going to make you so sick, you'll have no idea what to do with yourself' and that's how i've been feeling for the past five days.

bleh.

my stomach, neck, throat, head and mouth have all been hurting this week and have made me feel like doing absolutely nothing. every once and a while at 2 or 3 am, i will get a burst of energy and just have the greatest conversations with friends and listen to loud music while tidying up my room. but then i wake up at 8 and feel SO TERRIBLE, i literally want to detach myself from my stomach and throat.

thankfully, today i've been feeling better and not so 'kill me, just do it now, pleaseeeee' like the entire day and have actually got some stuff done. partially because i have hardly eaten anything and when i do it's bland cereal or rice or applesauce. yummm. told my mom yesterday i really wanted some pizza or chinese food and she said 'you really are trying to kill your stomach, aren't you?'.

but anywho, here's to today being a lot more productive and then tomorrow as well. really lovelies, it's been so bad that i haven't actually 'READ' any of your blogs within the week; so be expecting tons of comments! i'm excited to see what you've all been up to.

for now, hope you enjoy this pretty photography i found and i'm going to work on some new blogs for you all over the weekend and next week.

THANK YOU, so so so so so much for all the incredible comments and encouragement on that post. really, it meant so much and i know some of you get so many more than i do, but those 17 comments were beyond lovely and special and i loved reading each one. it's going to be such a blast sharing some of these experiences with you and all of the photos i'll be taking as well, :].

(all images via my favorites.)

mail + A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

2010-08-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

(lovelovelove taking photobooth pictures.)

I'M MOVING TO ENGLAND.

yes, england! the uk! haha, needless to say, i'm pretty darn excited about it and nervous too. there's a lot i still have to get done and figured out in a short amount of time - i'll be leaving in three weeks.

the reason for moving is because i got a job, being an au pair! the family seems really lovely and easy-going and the city where they live/i'll be staying in looks so pretty and vibrant.

up until my departure, i'm going to be getting rid of and selling a lot of things. having yard sales, book sales, selling my TV, couch and maybe my desk, my car, etc. a big part of where my money is going to be coming from though, is ebay. my parents and grandparents started boxing up various different items within the last few years of things to sell. well, a lot of those items have just been sitting in taped up boxes and my (wonderfully generous) parents said that i could sell them on ebay for money towards a laptop (no, i have never had my own computer) and extra pocket money while i'm there.

some of these things won't sell because of the fact that they aren't collectible or aren't valuable at the time, economically. but! a lot of these things are so pretty and neat that if i didn't need the $$, i would totally set aside for my own (future) home.

SO! this is where you lovelies come in. now, i'm not asking you all to buy or bid on EVERYTHING, but just take a look! tell your friends! the more views, watchers, etcetera, the better. maybe you'll see something for a swap you're in or something that you know a friend or family member will like for the holidays coming up.

i don't want to sound greedy in any form, but i am asking for help. every penny, quarter, dollar helps me get there, be prepared, go sightseeing on the weekends; whatever else i decide to do during my first four months. (after reading a ton of guidebooks fro the library, i decided i'm going to take a weekend to go up to liverpool and visit all the beatle-ey places. the actual penny lane? a real strawberry fields? YES!)

and it's perfectly fine if you can't contribute anything, really. not going to hurt my feelings or think no one cares. trust me, i have been there, in a tight spot financially, with my family and on my own. it stinks, but a part of life unfortunately.

whatever doesn't sell on ebay, i'll probably start a little vintage etsy store. and sorry about the horrible photos; i'm basically taking quick shots of everything just to get it up online right now.

if you don't want to buy anything, i FINALLY got my pay pal account linked to my bank and can now use it. to whomever donated some money to my paypal awhile back and it got rejected or whatever, i apologize, it took me forever to get it all fixed.

like i said, every penny counts and i really appreciate whatever you can contribute to my journey out of the slump i've been in.

i have been working on a giveaway for a little while now and once i get to the UK, i plan to get it all together, as a thank you to you amazing readers. not just for this, but because you all are so wonderful and sweet and i feel it's only right to give a little something back for all you guys have given me in support and love. :]

here is my ebay page: CLICK ME!
there will be some ending during the weekend and early next week. like i said, whatever doesn't sell, i'll open up a vintage etsy; cause i figure if it won't sell once on ebay, why waste the time and money on re-listing it?

i will combine shipping for YOU all. for regular buyers, you'd have to buy three or more items, but i won't have you guys pay any for than 5-10 on anything. really, it depends on the weight and fragility of the items, but nothing's really that heavy and packing materials don't add on pounds and pounds of weight. email me if you win more than one thing (l.nicolephotos@gmail.com) and i'll fix the end price for you. :]

^handmade postcard headed to micaela.

^postcards to m's darling siblings, marco and marianne.

^little note to mis april. check out her brand-new blog here!

^a reply for lovely sheba.

^my response to lady sally.

^a fun envelope for passion.

^reply for wonderful gracie.

buckets of love and hope,

- L

love bomb + photography

2010-08-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

LOVE BOMB THURSDAY!!

Hey Love Bomb family!

We are dropping today's Love Bomb on a 17 year old girl named Rachel.

She lost her dad and ever since has dealt with eating disorders, and is struggling through life without him. Her mom avoids serious conversations with her and she is afraid to get help. She's in counseling, which is wonderful - but we all know how irreplaceable personal words of encouragement are.

In one of her recent posts, she bullet-pointed a list of things she had to show for nearly being 18:

- I drink too much
- I have social anxiety
- I'm failing school
- I'm ugly
- I'm fat
- I can't even get the courage to meet my own sister
- I lack the energy to even fake happiness
- I have recurring thoughts of self-harm
- I keep relapsing into "disordered eating behaviours"

In her last post, the one we'll be commenting on, she ends with,

"What I need is some inspiration. I need someone I admire to tell me every thing's going to be alright. That they believe in me. That I'm not the fat failure I think I am. - unfortunately I can't see that happening any time before it's too late, if it's not already too late."

Alright guys. You know what to do. We ARE Rachel's inspiration, encouragement, love, and support. It's time to tell her how beautiful and valuable she is. I want to blow her away.

To comment on her blog, go here: whatyouneverknewaboutme.blogspot.com

Time to drop a Love Bomb, friends!

Lauren

^new photography from the love bomb team leader, possibly my favorite series ever.

hope you're having a wonderful (and loving) thursday,

- L

boo boo bee do

2010-08-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

this weekend: 'Some Like It Hot'

written by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond

directed by Billy Wilder

some like it hot is my favorite marilyn monroe film; but it definitely goes without saying that tony curtis and jack lemmon steal the show. both of them are such amazing actors and comedians and i fell in love with the two of them after seeing this for the first time.

curtis and lemmon play two musicians who witness a mass shooting and have to go into hiding, away from the mob. in order to disguise themselves, they join an all-girl band who is traveling to florida. where, they meet monroe's character and a whole mess of hilarity ensues.

my favorite scene is in the beginning of the film where they're all coming in and out of each others' bunks with liquor and cigarettes, curtis' character all upset that they'll get found out and lemmon just enjoying being around all the women...just hilarious. and monroe is so perfect with every line delivered and every little wink and shoulder shake she does.

if you've never heard this before, you must. it's one of my favorite 'behind the scenes'-like moments i've ever heard of from old-hollywood:

(from wikipedia)
"Tony Curtis is quoted frequently as saying that kissing Marilyn Monroe was like "kissing Hitler". During a 2001 interview with Leonard Maltin, Curtis stated that he never made this claim. In his 2008 autobiography, Curtis notes that he did make the statement to the film crew, but it was meant in a joking manner.[2] During his appearance at the Jules Verne Festival in France (2008), Curtis revealed on the set of Laurent Ruquier's TV show that he and Marilyn were lovers in the late 1940s when they were first struggling for recognition in films."

now, this isn't my most favorite 'old' movie, but it definitely is my favorite film of monroe's and curtis'. it's so funny and so endearing and one of the best classic films; email me if you watch it and don't enjoy it, i'll want to know why! haha or just shoot me a message telling me why you loved it! (just like letter-writing, i think no one ever emails anymore as well, don't you think?)

lovelovelove!

- L

love bomb thursday

2010-08-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

lovely lauren asked me to be a blogging partner for the wonderful project she runs, 'love bomb' and of course, i said yes. SO! from here on out, every thursday you'll get an update here on the weekly lovebomb mission and how you can help someone with something as simple as a blog comment. guys, if you haven't joined in yet, then i sincerely suggest you do. spread a little love and compassion towards those in most need of it. it just reasures my faith in people every week with this project, reading the comments and showing care towards another, whom i don't really know myself.

anyway, here is this weeks' mission lovelies:

Hey Love Bomb family!

We are dropping today's Love Bomb on a woman named Katie.

Katie was suggested by Amy, one of our own team members. In Amy's own words:

"This sweet, creative girl has lost her brother and brother-in-law, and now just found out her dad likely has pancreatic cancer (and it's serious) and is beyond devastated. He had a procedure and they are awaiting test results (due on Wed.). She can use all the support she can get."

This woman has already been through so much, and she is very close to her father. On her blog she talks a little bit about who he is to her:

"I do not know what I would do without my Dad. What he adds to my life is not replaceable. He is always the voice of reason, the giver of wise advice and the preventer of near disasters. Really. For a lot of people, he is their rock."

Losing a family member creates such a painful void - please join me in comforting and loving on Katie and she struggles through all of this.

You can comment on her blog post here: http://katiebeecreative.com/?p=2571

Time to drop a Love Bomb, team!

Lauren

now, go drop a lovebomb readers!

lovelovelove,
- L

creative places

2010-08-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

a place where someone creates beautiful, lovely, sweet or amazing things - to me is quite inspiring to look at.

i searched flickr to find some great creative spaces and these are just a few of my favorites. hope you find as much inspiration as i did!

(all copyright to the respective owners here, here, here, here, here, here and here. and more wonderful spaces there as well.)

been meaning to post about my writing/creating area; so once everything is tidy and pretty-looking, i'll take a few snapshots to show you. :]

got any links to some inspiring places? what about your creative space? link me! i'd love to see it.

- L

monday blues

2010-08-16T07:17:00.000-07:00

a little somethin' for your monday blues...

yeah, yeah, i know it's hanson...

but this video and song just make me SMILE.

hope your weekend was lovely.

- L

in and outbound

2010-08-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

here is a super-massive mail post, just for you readers!

i made these inbound and outbound tags this week; they're from a photo of a package i received with the postal services' 'we care' wrapping on it, that i took all pretty-like awhile back. :]

^bianca's AMAZING envelope; her letters are some of my favorites and she included a bunch of fun postcards!

^this wonderful postcard, along with much of my current incoming mail, came from a new pen-pal after seeing my post on the Good Mail Day site.

^wonderful letter from cari, as always. with the gorgeous carrie mulligan on the front!

^adorable postcard from kiyasu in taiwan.

^megan sent me a wonderful missive loaded with vintage photos! they were so wonderful meg, thanks!

^this amazing missive comes from stephanie in new york; it really is as huge of an envelope as it looks. i was surprised it fit into my box!

^ a great, encouraging note from patty in virgina.

^ i adored this simple, elegant missive from elle in los angeles. lovelovelove.

^this AMAZING, FANTASTIC envelope comes from a new pen pal in britain. i'm still working on my reply, as i want it to be just as amazing and wonderful. but oh my gosh you guys, look at those stamps!! so gorgeous. (yes, the date is from june, don't judge!)

^a cute little note from ilona. i adored the stamp of her cat she used, too cute.

^lovely surprise note from carolee in san fran.

^sheba sent me this sweet green missive.

^this GORGEOUS postcard comes from annie in san fran. i rarely get handmade postcards, so this is an extra, extra special treat. and the vintage stamps are so pretty, right?

^a wonderful first letter from gracie in australia.

^chris writes some of the best letters ever and always adds lovely postage too.

^caela's missives are the only ones that ever come in 'we care' packaging, haha. lovelovelovleove.

^my reply to stephanie made with pretty magazine clippings.

^more 'screaming girl' envelopes to come, haha; this one is for miss melody.

^a missive for megan; nice and sturdy for a long journey to australia!

^a lovely, simple letter for elle, whom's missive is one of my favorites received lately.

^ reply to ilona.

^first letter to AMAZING paige.

^missives for micaela.

postal love,

- L

who, me?

2010-08-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

^lauren nicole love (view more here)

realizing the other day that i rarely speak about my interests outside of mail and movies, i thought that i would write up a few random facts about my loves and not-so-loves lately. that is, if you're interested..it's cool if you're not, :P.

ONE - the longest time i've lived anywhere was for five years in atlanta. once the two-year mark of living somewhere rolls around, i start to get an itch for a new atmosphere and new air.

TWO - about a year ago, i made a decision never to speak about politics or social issues with good company because of the set fact that some great relationships got stomped upon whilst discussing those topics.

THREE - first concert i ever went to was the dixie chicks when i was seven. and i've never, ever, turned my back on them since then. their songs move me and inspire me in ways i won't ever be able to explain. their last album, 'taking the long way', is like a love letter to my soul. and that's all i have to say about that...

FOUR - every time i look at taylor lautner, i swear, all i see is shark boy with man boobs, sorry.

FIVE - probably not an unknown fact, but i love to dissect and analyze films. i mean, watch them with and without the commentaries and read interviews with DP's and set designers dissecting. it's not as obsessive as it could be, thank God, but it is to a point where i could determine your movie-going fate with just a simple conversation. this summer? see inception (really, no! haha) & despicable me and skip salt, trust me. i will never get those two hours of my life back.

SIX - music is becoming more and more a big part of my life. it used to fall by the wayside of films and my dying love for them and that art, but now i am really loving finding new music and letting it succumb my mind into different memories and dreams; mumford and sons, florence and the machine, the runaways, suzi quatro, (renewed loves) paramore and kings of leon.

SEVEN - mostly, i watch old tv shows and could care less about the latest teen drama, but over the summer i have fallen in love with how i met your mother. dear bambi, that is an amazing show; but i won't go on, because this could be a three hour conversation. (another blog post possibly, though.)

EIGHT - while i don't have road rage, i do talk a lot to my dashboard and say things that i feel might have possibly offended her...

NINE - i want to be in a glee club. like, now. someone send me my own personal mr. shuester.

TEN - music before the year i was born is the majority of what i listen to. i would rather dance to 'splish splash' by bobby darin and 'twist and shout' by the beatles than a song by the latest hip hop songstress.

hope it wasn't too boring! i honestly couldn't think of too many things for awhile, so, sorry a lot of them are relatively media centered, haha.

once again, you guys rock! i'm working on more things for this little blog including a giveaway and trying to incorporate more mail and creative-like things back into my weekly posts. speaking of, a mail one should be up before the end of the week with some AWESOME incoming missives; so be on the lookout!

lovelove,
- L

repeat the sounding joy

2010-08-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

there are some films that touch your heart and just MOVE your soul emmensely, you have to watch it again, immediately. i don't know how to explain it, but there are just those certain films that move and restore you and you need to get the effect again, just to lock in that power and amazement. the first time i saw 'the family stone' was not in a theater or on dvd, but on tv, about two years ago. it played at about nine o'clock and then again at eleven thirty. how do i remember this? because it's a film, a story, that stuck and i remember the moment in time i witnessed it for the first time. i got lucky that night, in that a film i knew i had to see again, NOW, was replaying right afterwards the first showing. it must sound weird, what i'm telling you, but really, it does make a difference to see certain films a second time, immediately after the first view.

so run down to your nearest target and purchase this film for a mere five dollars and watch it a couple times, on a rainy afternoon. let it sink in, keep the characters and moments in the room with you for some time. this movie doesn't change your life, it gets your beloved ones in your life, in perspective as well as yourself.

are you living to the full extent of your being?

are you with the right person?

do you really love that person?

what is your relationship like with your family as a whole?

do you like it or want to change it and become more connected?

who are you?

what do you really need and want?

i love this movie, more and more with every single view of it's moving story. get a good couple viewings in for yourself to see what each of these images mean and feel like; you will be moved, touched and swept away by the simple beauty of it all.

- L